Best Friends Forever

“Anna...I never meant for this to happen”. She said squeezing my hand very, very softly. I smiled back weakly at her and managed with quite a bit of difficulty to hoarsely whisper with every ounce of the last vestiges of strength I had - “I know Jules!” before giving in to the relief of sleep overtaking the conscious mind.

I don't know how many times I slipped in and out of consciousness, but every time I opened my eyes, I would find Julia hovering around in the room. Sometimes she'd be pacing around, sometimes she'd be talking to me, sometimes she'd be just standing in the corner her face looking pale as a ghosts and sometimes she would be just holding my hand but every single time she was there – right there with me. Not that I expected anything less from her. She had been my best friend for as far as I could remember. Some people would go even as far as to say that we were like sisters, but I wouldn't. In fact, I would take exception to such a cliched, thoughtless remark. I believe a relationship of your own choosing where you are holding hands throughout the vagaries of life as it take its innumerable twists and turns, without any of the baggage that comes from being part of the same family, is in my humble opinion on a much higher and easier ground than the one you have to adhere to because you belong to the same gene pool!

I saw her watching me intently as the doctor goaded me to wake up. All I wanted was to turn to the other side and continue sleeping.

“Please...” I could sense the desperation in the slight quiver of her voice – like I always did. I knew her so well that a slight increase in the pitch of her voice, the tiniest of change in the way she greeted me would allow me to make a fairly accurate guess about the reason why it was happening.

“....Please...!”

I heard her pleading again and again. I wanted to, I really wanted to open my eyes, say something to assuage her fears, but all I could manage was an almost inaudible grunt. Darkness once again enveloped me and I did not hear much of the real world after that. I fell into a trance like dream where the events of the past few days and those that happened years ago got interspersed to deliver a jumbled snapshot of my memories that could be attributed either to me loosing my mind or some kind of powerful drug that was being administered to me. I rooted for the later.

~~~~~~~~

The first time I saw Julia, I remember being painfully shy. She was this enigmatic girl who was the scion of a very rich family. She wore the most beautiful clothes and had the most dazzling smile. Both boys and girls lined up after her to be her friend. I was one of them too.

~~~~~~~~

“Are you upset with me?”
“Shouldn't I be?”

“I guess...”

“I have every right to...”

“I agree...”

“Oh! Please!”
“I am sorry...”

“Sometimes, a sorry is just not enough...!”
“OK! Then what is?”
“Maybe a dinner!”
“You got it then. Let's go to a place of your choice...!”

“hmmm....”

“oh come on now. Cut the drama!”

“On one hand you are apologizing to me and on the other you are being all bossy again!”

“I am not bossy!”

“You are..”

“Am not...”

“are too...”

“Am not...!”

~~~~~~~~

“Phone call for you!” my mother yelled from the kitchen. I raced downstairs, I had been waiting for this call forever.

“Hello...”

“Yes...sure. That would be great.”

“Thanks for inviting me. Bye!” I couldn't wait for Friday.

“Mom we need to pick up a birthday gift for my BFF” I declared.

“BFF?”

“Oh come on Mom. You don't know what a BFF is? Best Friends Forever!”

“Well, now I do, But pray who is this BFF of yours?”

“It's Julia mom!” I blurted out barely able to contain my excitement.

“Congratulations. I know you wanted her to be your BFF for a long time.”

“Well, technically she isn't for now. But that is going to change very soon and you are going to help me with that.”

“Hoo boy! What fun!”

~~~~~~~~

My mom. She passed away too quick, too fast. One moment she was heading out of the door after her customary one month visit to my dorm and the next minute she was hit by a van as she tried to get into the car and she died on the spot. I was waving her goodbye and before I could say “See you soon, Mom!”, she had vanished from my life completely. It took me years to come to terms with her death. I held myself completely and solely responsible for her death though I knew that it was the reckless driver who had mowed her down. I vowed to hunt him down and for the next few years devoted my whole life to becoming a criminal lawyer which involved changing my major. Yes, it took me a few more years to graduate. But armed with my degree and my natural fire which had been raging for all these years, I tracked him down and had him convicted. I became an instant celebrity. My career took off big time. All I wanted was the image of  terror on my mom's face as the van approached her wiped away from my existence. It didn't.

~~~~~~~~

The car was going too fast – uncontrollably fast.

“Slow down Jules!.”

“If I slow down he will kill us Julia.”

“and if you don't you will kill us. He won't do anything of that sort..he doesn't have the balls to...please stop!”

“He had a gun in his hand Anna”

“No, he did not. I was there too.”

“He hid it when you walked in...”

“Did he? Are you sure?”

“Yes,yes..I am s-s-ure”

“We have to call 911”

“911...What's your emergency?”

“Don't look back Julia...watch out!”

Too quick, too fast again as the car rolled over and burst into flames.

~~~~~~~~

I could still feel the flames around me. My hair, my beautiful hair. The long strands that had a mind of their own and always refused to be put to order. I could feel them sticking to me. I thrashed my head from side to side. I could not bear their stickiness. Please, please get them out of my face. I felt her cool hands over my forehead, pushing away the rogue strands and then rubbing an ice cold sponge over it. Ah! That felt so good. Like always not only did she know exactly what I wanted but also did what I wanted. I looked up to see her lost in deep thought.

~~~~~~~~

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“Nope!” I said smugly.

“Seriously?”

“In all seriousness!”

“I don't believe that you could even be capable of doing this!”

“Well it's not like I committed a crime or something. I knew you had a crush on Rob from like the stone ages and I know he likes you too. I just had to put a few pieces in place.”

“I don't know what to say. This is just too incredibly unbelievable!”

“So don't say anything and get ready for the date. He's going to be here in a few hours. We have to make sure you dazzle him out of his mind and a few other things!” I winked.

She laughed her tingling smile of hers. A smile that always touched me with its complete abandon. I wish I could smile like that – so easily and so from the heart. Maybe one needed a childlike innocence to be able to smile from the heart and laugh with such unbridled gaiety. I know she possessed that innocence. Though she was an extremely intelligent and bright woman, there were times I could not believe that she was as pure of soul as she seemed to be. I would get irritated sometimes at her over this, saying that I could not understand how a grown up, mature woman like herself could behave as if she was just born. I even accused her of acting and lying to trick the world. I still remember the look of disbelief on her face as she tried to make sense of what I had just said. I instantly regretted it but the small tear in the corner of her eye made me feel like the lowest person that ever existed on the earth. I felt so ashamed that I could not even bring myself to apologize to her. Some scars can never be healed, especially the ones made by someone who you think knows you inside and out. So I concluded that it would be a waste even trying to do that and I was bad at apologies anyways. We just went on with our lives as if that moment had never happened, but every time she made a thoughtless remark or whenever her naivete shone through, I could not ever roll my eyes mocking her like I used to nor could she laugh at herself like before. The unspoken word is so much harder to wipe away than the spoken word sometimes.

~~~~~~~~

“Sorry....he did say he was sorry!” she said with downcast eyes.

“What do you mean he said sorry? After beating you black and blue he says sorry and you are ready to forgive him?” I shouted at her my indignation getting the better of me.

“Well he did not beat me exactly!”

“oh really! So what did he do that makes you look like you are acting in one of those horror movies?”

“It was just a small push you know...!”

“You call that a small push?” I screamed at her reducing her to copious tears.

“You are going to regret this big time one day. I wish you would get out of it before it kills you and kills me in the bargain!” She continued crying and continued seeing him. When a woman refuses to grow up, she not only lands herself in a sea of trouble but also all the people who care for her are dragged underwater with her.

~~~~~~~~

The tears came only when I saw her. Ironically, she was the first person I called. Not even my dad. She was an exchange student in Italy and it took her 2 days to get to me. But she did. I was in a trance, but subconsciously I was waiting for her. For people like me, crying does not come easy. I clam up and just wait the period out, one second at a time. But as soon as I saw her my iron clad reserve melted. The realization stuck me that this was the only person in the world who cared about me like my mom used to. My tears gratefully gushed out, the constriction that had been choking the life out of me in my throat for the last couple of days loosened and I just cried and cried and cried as she held me without a word.

~~~~~~~~

“Tell me everything!”

“Not now Anna. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” she groaned.

“I have been patiently waiting for you to get back home from your date to listen to all the juicy details and you say you want to talk tomorrow?”

“Yes!”

“All right then...I am not setting up any more dates for you, no matter how much you are in love with the guy!”

“Maybe, you wouldn't need to!” Woah!

“What do you mean?”

“Oh!Anna, he asked me to marry him!” I held my breath.

“...and you wanted to tell me this tomorrow?”

“Well...yes”

“I assume you said yes?”

“Yes I did!”

“Good for you. Congratulations.” I said icily.

“Please don't be so cold about it. You know I owe all of this happiness to you. But I am so tired...just so tired”

~~~~~~~~

I feel tired. So, so tired. The heat from the flames seem to have subsided. I felt like I had just been dragged through hell and back. I tried to open my eyes to see where I was. I could not. I just heard voices. I wanted to get up and walk out of this. I felt like I was suffocating, but I could not move a muscle.

“Go to sleep, dearest Anna!” Julia said and started to sing. She had such a wonderful voice. She knew I would like that.

~~~~~~~~

“Happy Birthday Julia” I said handing over what I thought was the most perfect gift for her trying to obliterate the image of my mom glaring at me for dragging her all over the town trying to locate it.

“oh! Thank you Anna. This is the best gift I have ever received!” She said snatching it out of my arms, squealing in delight. I gave my mom a I-told-you-so look and felt on top of the world.

“Where'd you find it?” It was my mom's turn to roll her eyes at me.

I would have loved to capture that moment and live it over and over again. My child-like enthusiasm at not only being invited to a gala birthday party of the most coveted girl at school, but also impressing her with what I chose for her was quite a euphoric feeling. My mom kept looking on indulgently at me as I enjoyed myself thoroughly, forming a bond that would last me a lifetime. I silently thanked her for not giving up on my obstinacy in finding what I thought would be a perfect gift for Julia as I dragged her day after day into store after store.

~~~~~~~~

“Thanks mom...” Ouch that hurt. My lips felt like they were coming apart. I could not see, I could not speak – I wonder what was wrong with me. I tried to think back to the events which resulted in my ending up in what seemed like an ICU of an A+ grade hospital. What had happened? Where was I? My mind was wandering, I tried to get it to behave, trying to get it to concentrate on what could be a few hours before now. Not more than that I hope, but I couldn't be sure, could I? Pain seared through my head, I tried to scream but only could hear a moan.

“Sssh...don't try to talk. You are going to hurt yourself more...” She whispered close to my ear.

~~~~~~~~

“Julia, you have to get out of this …”

“You don't understand. I can't. I love him, he loves me very much.”

There she goes again, pulling her I-am-whiter-than-snow stunt on me again. Refusing to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

“What I don't understand is how you could put up with this shit...with this man!”

“Please don't say anything to him. He's not a bad person.”

“No,not at all. He is just someone who abuses his fiancee in the name of love. He's all good.”

“He is not the problem...”

“I agree. He is not the problem but you are Julia. Don't you see where this is leading you? Please, please,please get out of it with whatever dignity you could muster. I beg you Jules...get out it!”

“It's not so easy Anna!”

“Jules...life is as easy as we make it to be.”

“Then why do you insist on making it difficult for yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Carrying the guilt of your mom's death in your heart, never forgiving your dad and running away from men because your parents' marriage did not work. Why don't you stop doing that and make life easier for yourself?”

I looked at her incredulously. She had changed so much in the past few months. I could never imagine her saying something so hurtful to me. I took a deep breath to let the anger subside...

“Julia..it's not about me. If doing any of those things could bring back something, I would be doing all of them in a heartbeat. But what would I get in return? Would my mom come back to me? Would all those years without my dad be returned to me? Would falling in love with a man confirm that my life is going to be happy. But I guarantee you, if you leave him, you can get your life back, at least what is left of it.” There I had managed to deliver what I wanted to without blowing up.

“I can't Anna...please understand!”

“Then maybe we can't be friends anymore until you leave him.”.Crap! I had blown up.

“I can't believe you are saying this...”

“I can't believe that you are doing this either. That you are planning on marrying the man who has reduced you to this.”

“He loves me Anna!”

I groaned.

“I am a grown woman Anna. I know what's good for me.” she said slowly with a steely resolve that I had no idea existed within her.

“Well you sure don't act like it.”

“Can't you just let it go. Give him..us...a chance.”

“I can't... you know why? Because I love you and I can't stand around looking while he hurts and destroys you. And that my dear girlfriend, is the definition of true love.”

“He is not doing that”

“Right! You are allowing yourself to be destroyed. Please, Jules, Don't!”

“Please Anna, don't ask me to do something that would make me miserable the rest of my life.”

“I cannot stand on the sidelines watching him trample all over you.”

“Then don't!”

We did not see each other nor speak to each other for days after that.

~~~~~~~~

I held myself responsible for the situation she found herself in – after all I was the one who had taken the lead in setting the both of them up. Like her, I had thought Rob to be a decent good looking man who seemed to care a lot for her. Instead as days passed I uncovered the real cad in him – a misogynist, who could feel complete in abusing his woman and felt pleasure in doing so to the women who had the misfortune of falling for his misplaced charm and the I-am-vulnerable-than-an-infant look in his eyes. I had always prided myself on being too smarty pants, who could weed out the good pennies from the bad within minutes of meeting them, but I had erred where it mattered the most – with the life of my best friend.

~~~~~~~~

“You know it's okay to cry, don't you?” she said softly. I hated it when she would talk like that to me. Hesitantly, as if I scared her and she wasn't very sure about how I'd react. I always hoped that the man in her life would be mature enough to handle this innate sensitivity in her with care. She could get so easily get into trouble. I would have to watch out for her.

“Anna?”

“Yes...I heard you. I know that, but what do you want me to cry for?”

“Anna....”

“It doesn't mean anything to me. He doesn't mean anything to me. So why should I be shedding my precious tears for him. It's not like he's been any different, so why should I expect him to be different because my mom died in an accident in front of my eyes. I am sure he's busy cavorting with one of his secretaries or trying out another bizarre idea of his to make millions to even think about me – that his daughter could at least use one phone call from him for at least a minute with a simple – how are you doing question. No, I don't expect that from him nor will I call him.”

“I did.”

“WHAT?”

She shrunk back.

~~~~~~~~

My dad and I have always had a tempestuous relationship. I never forgave him for leaving my mother, though I never quite knew the reason why they had decided to separate. I was too young to understand and from what little I could at that young age – all seemed normal to me. That made it even more difficult for me to cope. I had no inkling this was coming. Everything was hunky-dory one day with my parents attending my orchestra recital one day, hand in hand, clapping for me, cheering me on and then the next day, he was gone without as much as a goodbye never to return to live with us again.

~~~~~~~~

“MY! It is huge”

“Isn't it?”

“So when's the big date?”

“Well we don't know yet. There are so many things we have to sort out before we set a date. For now, I am going to be moving in with him!”

“Oh are you? You sure?”

“Positive. There's nothing I want more. We are going to live together for a few months and hopefully agree to a date considering both of our busy schedules. But that is going to change.”

“What is going to change?”

“My busy schedule...”

“Are you taking some time off?”
“No Anna. Rob wants me to stop working and concentrate on our upcoming wedding and our marriage after that. You see he want me all to himself.”

“Rob wants you to stop?” This was not good.

“..and what about you? What do you want?”

“I want what he wants Anna. I want to make him the happiest man in the world. I can do anything for him.”

“You sound like a love struck teenager to me.”

She giggled.

“I think you are spoiling him Julia. You should not just blindly do things because he wants you to. You have to determine if what he wants from you is what you want from yourself.”

“I do and thanks Anna. You know I owe all this happiness to you...if it hadn't been for you, I might have never met the most amazing man in the world!” The warning bells in my head started to ring.

~~~~~~~~

I winced at the memory.

“Julia...Jules...” I tried to call out for her.

“I am here Anna. Please don't try to move or speak....” I could hear her muffled sobs and saw her crying. Yep, she was fine.

~~~~~~~~

“Anna dear...”

I stopped dead in my tracks. I could not believe she could have gone as far as actually calling my dad. I am not sure what all she said to him, but knowing her penchant for highly emotional dramas, I was sure it was something I would quite detest.

“Honey... I am so sorry, I did not come earlier. I was in a very remote area and I had to fly a long way...I set off as soon as I heard...”

I was seething with anger. I turned slowly to face them. They were looking at me with a lot of trepidation but I could easily discern one emotion emanating from the both of them – concern for me. I was in a very vulnerable situation and my heart melted at the thought that I was once again surrounded by the people who cared about me. I gave in to the tears, hugging him tight.

~~~~~~~~

I wondered if Dad was around somewhere. He should have known by now, surely. Julia must've called him at first chance.

“Dad...” I called out feebly. There was no response.

“He's on his way here Anna. He should be here in a few hours.” she said gently.

~~~~~~~~

“What is that?”

“What?”

My eyes widened. It could not be what it looked like, would it? From the way she tried to turn away from me, I knew my worst fears had come true.

“Did he hit you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“That big blue bruise on your face is what I am talking about.”

“Oh this. I tripped and fell...”

“You tripped and fell and bruised your face?”

She kept quiet. I don't think she had ever lied to me before. Everything has a start which is difficult and shocking in the beginning but as time passes, it becomes easier and the shocking effects subsides. She started lying much more easily about everything related to Rob and her and even though I knew she was lying, I decided that I would not force the realization on her but rather wait for it to happen.

~~~~~~~~

“Julia seems nice...”

“Oh thank you Mom. I think so too. I am glad you like her.”

“It's a bit surprising though...”

“What?”

“That you girls are such good friends. You seem so different from each other.”

She was right. I could not quite place it either, how we clicked with each other in spite of being complete opposites in our approach and outlook towards life. My answer to her was nothing more than a cliched - “Opposites attract, Mom!” with a silly wide grin on my face.

~~~~~~~~

“Slow down Jules.”

“He's coming for me Anna. He's going to kill me...”

“He can't lay a finger on you Julia. Please slow down. Let us call 911 and the police will be here. I can't see him following us for that matter...Please slow down.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I am, please slow down.”

“I can't Anna. I am too scared!”

~~~~~~~~

I could hear her calling out to me. I ignored her. I had specifically asked her to leave me alone and here she was doing the opposite.

“Anna...open the door or I will have someone come down and break it down...”

For all her vulnerabilities, she could be quite persistent, the pesky little thing.

“Anna...” her voice grew louder. I dragged myself out of the bed and headed towards the front door. I had to turn away as she pushed the door in trying to protect my eyes from the bright sunlight that streamed in.

“I don't believe this. What are you doing to yourself?”

“I am just trying to sleep!”

“For the past 2 days?”

“Well...I am tired.”

“Anna...please. You are not responsible for what happened. Please stop trying to convince yourself of otherwise and feeling bad for yourself. Your moping around is not going to help anyone. I am going make you some coffee and in the meantime I need you to get into the bathroom and try to straighten yourself so that I don't feel like I have come to see the Grinch!”

I smiled.

“Yes Ma'm” I threw her a mock salute. Things were going to be ok when Jules was around. She was going to take care of me.

~~~~~~~~

I don't know what hurt more. The fact that she was allowing him do that to her or the fact that she had been hiding things from me for so long for the first time in her life. I felt betrayed but more than anything else I felt furious. How could the bastard do this to her? I walked out while she was still turned away from me.

“Wait..Anna...Please wait...Anna...”

~~~~~~~~

“Anna...Anna...” she was calling out to me. I woke up with a start. My neck hurt when I tried to move it. I could feel her gentle hands steadying me. Exhausted by the pain, I stopped trying. As with so many instances of my life, I was quietly grateful that Julia was around. I looked towards her and caught her smiling back at me. I tried to do the same but it hurt too much and I winced. She laughed. Yes things were going to be just fine – Julia was right there looking after me, as usual.

~~~~~~~~

“I am going to wait outside for not more than 10 minutes. Do whatever you have to do and come back. Otherwise I am coming in.” I told her quietly.

“Don't worry, I will be back. I think I owe it to him after so many years to let him know that I am leaving him.”

“You don't owe him a thing Julia and I don't know why you insist on creating a highly emotional scene when none is required”

“Please...you said you would support me if I let you accompany me...”

“I already regret saying that. I should never have let you come here....”

I don't think she heard me as she had already climbed out of the driver's seat walking towards what a few hours ago she used to call her home.

~~~~~~~~

It took me years to recover from my mother's accidental death. After blaming myself for a couple of years while doing everything possible short of committing suicide to harm myself, I agreed to go into Rehab at Julia's persistence and with my Dad promising to look after my practice while I was gone. I was once again riding on the shoulders of the people who cared about me and not at all thrilled about the idea. I was in and out of the Rehab for a while before being let off in a year with the assurance that I was completely cured and there was no danger of me being a nuisance to myself or the people around me. I never believed that. Julia was there as usual to greet me and drive me back home. As we made our way out towards the car, I saw him for the first time.

“Anna this is Rob...” she introduced him to me.

“I have heard so much about you Anna, it is not even funny!”

“Well Rob I haven't heard anything about you and that is funny!”

All of us laughed. I liked him. We had got off on the right foot. He seemed like a good guy and Julia seemed so taken in with him, though she seemed a little bit different around him. Couldn't quite place if she was just shy or a wee bit scared of him. I was too tired to think more and just watched them as they talked to each other animatedly. One thing I was sure about, they were much in love and that is all that mattered.

~~~~~~~~

“Sometimes love is not enough...” my mom said wistfully.

“Then why mom?”

“Anna, you've got to understand that sometimes it is very difficult for 2 people to live together.”

“I never saw you fight with him, so why is he leaving us now?”

“Because I asked him to...” she said simply.

“MOM! Why would you do that. Please, please ask him to stay...”

“I am sorry honey, but I can't!

“Why not? You say you love him, you say he loves us, then why did you ask him to leave.”

“He's not happy with me Anna.”

“How could he not be Mom. You are such a wonderful woman...”

“His definition of a wonderful woman is quite different from yours Anna.”

“But you are the same woman Mom.”

“Yes...but I am his wife while I am your mother. Just because you think I am a good mother doesn't necessarily mean he thinks I am a good wife”

“I hate him, Mom”

“Anna..don't say that. He's your Dad!”

“No, he's not. I will never forgive him”

“You never know, Anna, you never know.”

“I know I am not ever going to let him in my life ever again!”

~~~~~~~~

“Anna...” I heard my Dad calling out to me. So he was here finally. I wanted to tell him I could hear him. I could not move a muscle. I felt him squeezing my hand. That felt good.

~~~~~~~~

I gave her another 5 minutes before heading inside. I thought I was prepared for everything but when I saw what was going on I could not believe how I could have so totally misjudged Bob. Julia lay sprawled on the ground as she stood looming over her. I could only hear him say over and over again 

“You cannot leave me. I will not allow you to do that. You bitch!” He was about to raise his hand when I shouted at him - “One finger on her and I am going to make sure you rot in hell, you bastard!”

He raised his eyes towards me. One tell tale sign of  cowards is no matter how brave they can be around timid people  the minute they encounter someone who is not afraid of their made up persona, they just balk. He was the same. He slunk way from her as I moved forward whispering something in her ear. She stood up uncertainly as I gathered her in my arms leading her out.

“I am sorry...” she whispered.

“Now's not the time Julia. We will address this later.”

She did not say anything after that.

“Are you sure you can drive?” I asked her.

“Yes” she mumbled as she climbed inside her car.

~~~~~~~~

“Rob seems like a nice guy.”

“Yes I met him at work.”

“He works with you?”

“No he works in the same building. We met at lunch.”

“You like him, don't you?”
She was blushing. I groaned.

“Come on, I think you are old enough and we go back long enough for you to admit to me that you love this man...”

“Anna! How did you know?”
“Well I can read your face and its plainly written there for me to see that you are quite taken in by his charm..”

She laughed. I once again paused to hear it. I felt so good when she laughed. That all was right with my BFF and if she was all right she was going to make sure I was too.

~~~~~~~~

“My parents are divorced.”

“Oh! Is that why your Dad is not around.”

“Yes he moved far, far away. Mom says it's because he needed a fresh start. I believe it is because he wanted to get away as far as possible from me...from us.”

“Maybe you should have faith in your Mom, Anna!”

“Maybe not.”

“Do you miss him?”
“NO!”

~~~~~~~~

I could hear voices again. This time they were not so jumbled. I could actually listen without making too much of an effort. I think my dad was talking to the doctor. I wondered where Julia was. It had been a while since I heard or felt her around. I heard footsteps and the voices faded way. I must be alone. I did not like that feeling. I did not want to be alone. I hated being alone. I hated my Dad for leaving us alone, I hated my mom for dying and leaving me alone and I hated Julia for allowing a jerk of a man come between us.

~~~~~~~~

“I thought you said you were never going to leave him.”

“I was wrong...”

“I am glad you realize that.”

“Me too.”

“So what happened for you to look at the light? After the last argument we had it seemed like you were ready to take even more shit from him”

She did not say anything.

“Well?” I peristed.

“He asked me to stop seeing you.” she said with eyes downcast. I was grateful she was not looking at me. I was completely thrown aback.

“I am going to have to tell him. I will be back.”

“I am not going to let you go alone.” I said following her, steadying myself.

~~~~~~~~

“So, Rehab did the trick for you?”

“Well yeah as far as the substance abuse goes I guess.”

“So you still feel the same about what happened?”

“I don't think I can feel anything different ever.”

“Why do you blame yourself?”
“I don't. But I can't stop thinking how different things would be had I walked with her to the car. Maybe I could've opened the door for her...”

“You could have gotten killed too...”

“I would take that compared to this.”

I am not sure if what I said that day to her still stands. Yes, I would give anything to have held my mother back for long enough to have let the speeding van speed by instead of ramming into her. But would I have wanted to taken her place on that fateful day? I don't know. I feel happy to be in the place where I am in now – a very successful career where I can channel my pent up anger,guilt and rage to track down criminals rather than becoming one myself ..something I had wanted to do all my life, an aversion towards men and anything related to them that keeps me out of many a trouble and then I have Julia to come back to. I was living in the best of both worlds. I wouldn't think my mother would have quite approved of my professional lifestyle where work ruled over everything else. In the same vein of all the mothers of the world, my mother wanted for me what was important to her and what she failed to achieve for herself – a good marriage with a bunch of brats running around ruining my life. I did what a majority of daughter's in the world do – run in the opposite direction. It's just that she died in between and I could never stop feeling guilty over how everyone she had held precious in her life had disappointed her – especially the one she had lavished all her love and attention on. I missed her so much and I would have to say what I said to Julia that day still stands.

~~~~~~~~

“What did he say to you?”

“uh-huh?”

“When I was coming towards you he whispered something into your ear. What did the lowlife have to say?”

“He said he was coming for me and that he would..he would..”

“He would what?”

“...k-k-kill you first and then k-k-kill me!”

I laughed hard as she looked on completely startled.

“How can you laugh at a time like this?”

“I find it entertaining that a coward like him would have the gall to say something like that. Very amusing indeed! If not for anything I could get him into jail for just this.”

“No, Anna. Please don't say that!”

I looked at her. Is this what love reduces you to? I shook my head glad that it had not happened to me and there weren't many chances that it would ever considering the sort of people I spent all my time with.

~~~~~~~~

I felt sore all over. How long had it been? I saw Julia moving about. I wanted to ask her so many questions. What had happened? Where was I? What's going on? Am I all right? Is she OK? My head hurt. I could feel her coming near and peering into my face. “Anna...Anna...Come back....I miss you so!” She straightened up as I heard the door open.

~~~~~~~~

I tried to get out but I couldn't. I could feel the smoke around me. I couldn't see anything and it was so unbearably hot. I tried to call out for Julia but I could not stop coughing. My foot seemed to be stuck somewhere and when I tried to jerk it out, the pain was so acute, I think I passed out. I don't remember anything much after that.

~~~~~~~~

“Anna...Anna...Anna!” I heard Julia calling out to me for attention.

“...you told me to keep away from him! I should've listened to you.” She was talking to me. I strained my ears to listen.

Well, not at first I wanted to say.

“I know you feel responsible for me getting together with Rob, but Anna don't you realize that it would've happened with or without your intervention. I don't want you to hold it against yourself for yet another lifelong guilt trip.”

I winced. That was already a done deal.

“You have been always so good to me.You have tried to show me the practical side of living life. I always shied away from the truth, you always held up the mirror to me. Rob is not a bad person, believe me. Please don't go after him...”

I wish I could roll my eyes. She still cares about him. I guess some people can never quite change no matter what they are put through.

“I know you must be feeling mad at me for saying so...but...that's who I am Anna and I know you have accepted me with all my failings.”

My anger softened but I could not quite understand the timing of her monologue. Surely we could talk about this when I could contribute my 2 cents to the conversation?

“The doctor just told your dad that you are going to be fine and there is no permanent damage to your legs. Anna, I can't tell you how long I have been waiting to hear that. I wouldn't have been able to take it had it been anything otherwise. I did this to you Anna. After everything that you did for me, this is the destruction I brought upon you!”

Silly girl. Emotional as ever.

“I am so,so sorry. I have to go now Anna. I hope you take care of yourself and stop feeling guilty about your mom. I am so happy to see your dad here and hopefully you move in with him like he has always wanted and finally have a family like you always wanted. Good Luck Anna. Bye and yes Best Friends Forever Girl Friend!”

“You bet Girl Friend!” I blurted out and the words came out crystal clear. The nurse came in rushing and then there was a flurry of activity as the doctor's started coming in one by one. My dad was there too talking excitedly. I guess they had been waiting for me to say something.

“Open your eyes Anna!” The doctor said firmly. What a monumental effort that turned out to be. I could just get them to open a little. The doctor persisted and after what seemed like an eternity I could finally see around me. There was dad looking on anxiously at me.

“You doing allright Angel” he asked.

“Yes dad!” I answered feebly.

Where was Julia? I scanned the room again trying to locate her. The effort proved too much and I had to close my eyes again.

“Where's Julia?” I asked.

“She's around Honey. Don't worry.”

“I won't stop worrying until I see that bastard in jail for what he put Julia through. I need you to help me book a criminal case against him dad holding him responsible for the accident.”

“We can think about that later Anna”

“No Dad. I can't rest until I know that he's out of her life completely. Please, do this for me. ”

“All right.”

“I will call my secretary Irene and ask her to prepare the paper work. Could you please pick it up from my office and bring them here?”

“Sure Dear. After all you are the expert. You would know better!”

Yes I did and I was already feeling better.

~~~~~~~~

The next day I was feeling strong enough to sit down and drink some soup. A nurse helped me with it. I was indignant that Jules wasn't there. Where was she? Didn't she know I needed her doing all this for me. There was something definitely not right.

“Are you all right?” the nurse asked me.

Maybe I could ask her.

“Do you know where Julia is?”

“Julia who?”

“My friend Julia, the one who's been with me the whole time.”

“I haven't seen anyone other than the medical staff around you except your dad.”

“When did you start tending to me?”

“The day you joined.”

“When was that?”

“Just over a couple of weeks ago!”

“...and you never saw Julia”

“No”

“That can't be...”

“OK we are all done here. You should get some rest.”

~~~~~~~~

When Dad came in that evening to see me...I pounced on him immediately.

“Where is Julia?”

“She's around Anna.” he said simply.

“Well I don't see her, do you? Where is she? Did she go back to that looser? Tell me the truth...did she decide to leave me fighting for my life while she took beatings from him after all he did!”

“Anna...Please relax...”

“Where is she Dad?”

“She's gone Anna!”

“Gone? Gone where?”

“She died in the accident.” he said slowly.

“who died in the accident?”

“Julia did Honey. She didn't make it.”

He got to be kidding me.

“What are you talking about? She was here till about yesterday. She was talking with me, taking care of me. I saw her with my own eyes!”

“We wanted to wait for a while before telling you. We knew it would devastate you.”

So who was talking to me, setting my hair straight, cooling me down. There has to be some mistake somewhere.

“I don't believe you Dad. I think you are lying to me. Doing all this so that I agree to move to your place. Well, I won't. I know what it is like to have one of the most important person in your life get up and just leave.”

“I am sorry Anna. I was young...I did not know better.”

“I know better and I am apaled that you could be the same old manipulative selfish son of a bitch that you always were.”

There – I had said it. Something I had wanted to say to him since that night when he calmly walked out of our lives to pursue one of his own.

~~~~~~~~

The doctor walked in.

“Anna...I need to talk with you.”

“If you are going to lie to me, I don't want to hear you say anything.”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“I don't know. Maybe my dad manipulated you to so that I would agree to go with him.”

“Even if he did, don't you see it's out of his love for you.”

“No.”

“Well it is.”

“Where's Julia?”
"What your Dad told you is the truth Anna...”

“...She was pronounced dead at the site.”

I stared at him for what seemed like eternity before finding my voice.
”Then who was it that was talking to me yesterday. Who was it that I saw almost every hour of everyday in my room?”

“You must've imagined it Anna” he said coolly.

“I don't have that good of an imagination!”

“Well then you must've been hallucinating.”

“I saw her so many times. She was standing next to my bed. She told me what you said about me getting better. She told me so many things. I couldn't have hallucinated or imagined that stuff. I saw her standing right where you are standing right now...not once but so many times.”

“You couldn't even open your eyes till yesterday Anna, so how you could you have possibly seen her?”

~~~~~~~~

I stood staring out of the window. Everything me seemed as empty as my empty apartment.

“Ready, Angel?” My dad whispered.

“Yes Dad.”

“Anyone you want to see before leaving?”

“She was all I had here Dad and she did say Good Bye when she left. I have to make a quick phone call though.”

“Sure”

“Irene...it's me. Could you please drop that case we were preparing against Rob...yes....no, I won't be needing anything related to that case. Just destroy them completely.” I breathed out.

Boy was it difficult to honor her wishes against mine – the least and unfortunately the last thing I could do for her. My best friend forever.