And all I am left with is an empty window!

I have to write something, I don't exactly know what. I have been trying for so long to pen some thoughts down, ranging from a few lines of a poem, to a short story to hold your breath starting a new novel to a trip down memory lane or just a good ole' he-she blog. But all I am drawing is a blank. I just can't seem to find anything to write about. If it were the good ole' days, I am sure I'd have a litter of papers all crumpled up around me. Instead I find myself staring at the OpenOffice Writer which has seen many a lines written and backspaced or closed without saving and all I am left with is an empty window!

Maybe I should have just let them be. Even if they were a couple of lines, not even complete sentences maybe I should have pressed the save button. Who knows what I could have done with them? Instead I have yet another empty window with no idea of what I had begun to write a few days ago before giving up. I am not sure where this dilly-dallying is coming from. Usually, once I begin to write, I continue with ease. I don't need to stop and think where the next sentence is going to come from. My hands keep on typing the signals I get from my brain and before I know it, there is a blog worthy content for me to work with. Usually with the smallest changes, I finish it off. While it might not quite be the masterpiece I might have been aiming for, it is good enough for me to feel good about myself for a few days as far as writing is concerned.

I had hoped that the vacation in India would give me the much needed time to write more prolifically and meaningfully. Alas! It was not to be. It is nearing the end of my 2-month vacation and I have yet to write even one piece, leave alone working on a masterpiece. Every time I sit down to write, either the ideas shy away or there is someone or something calling out to me and I hastily hit the x and a No to the confirm window. My thoughts lost forever, my ideas just evaporating into the air and all I am left with is you guessed it – an empty window.

I wonder if this is an ingrained facet of my personality? To give up when I think that things are not going as I had hoped them to be. To give up pretty easily without persisting or not putting enough effort into achieving what I want to for myself. To blame a host of things around for the same while very well knowing that if I put my heart into it, I could do something about it. Taking the easier way out. I do seem to be setting goals, its just the meeting the goals part that seems to be sorely lacking in effort and execution.

I love what writing does to me. The whole process where the words I conjure up come together to express what I want to say or have imagined. The flow of the paragraphs as one idea gives way to another in a rhythm-isque dance that reaches a crescendo as I near the climax of the piece. Sometimes even surprising myself with how I veer towards the end. The process of going over it a couple of times, trying to determine if everything went according to how I wanted it to, many a time shaking my head in disbelief that I could be so insipid but sometimes feeling a wave of satisfaction that I did write beautifully. With a silly grin pasted across my face I take a final bow before putting it before the world, reading, re-reading and re-reading yet again. Enjoying the whole process like nothing else.Yet, I don't seem to find 'time' to do the activity that is - forgive my shameless use of the expression – the wind beneath my wings.

Hey look! No more 'Empty Window'. Hope it is a start of more saved documents instead of empty windows. Amen to that, for my sake.