The Loner...(A Story..Part1)

A loner - that's what I have been termed all my life. I guess its not such a bad thing to be termed as, if the other terms used to describe you have been titles like weirdo, whacko, pyscho, retard etc etc. Yes, I have referred to with all these colorful adjectives at one stage of my life or the other, but the one that has stuck with me has been - The Loner.

"She is such a loner..." I have heard in hushed tones.
"You are a loner, aren't you?" Some people have been more direct.
"Why are you such a loner?" I have heard the frustration a few times.
"How can you be such a loner?" Fascination even?

The list goes on. I go on being a 'loner'.

I don't know how it started. I guess it has been with me all along. My mother tells me that I was the easiest of babies to handle. That I never cried for attention. She wanted me to cry, wanted me to reach out to her to fulfill her motherly duties of attending to her needy child. I did not. The only time I had cried had been when I would be physically hurting but apparently never for wanting someone to look after me. That seemed to have irked my mom no end. She wanted to complain about her vocal girl who needed her mom every second - just like all her friends did - but she did not know how. She did not know what constituted a wailing baby looking for someone to pick them up. She had to do with me. Always quiet, content in my own little baby world -wanting to play on my own, happy with whatever situation I found myself in.

"You were such a loner!" my mom would sigh and repeat for I am sure the one hundred thousandth time at least if I had been counting.

I do not remember any of these things, so I can't neccasarily put my view across on how my mind used to function at that point in time. But I sure can do so now and that is the point of this story. To give the world an insider's view of a loner's world - my world!


The first time I realized that I was drastically different from any kid around me was when I went to one of my classmate's 8th birth day party. I don't remember his name right now, but I do remember that my mother had insisted that I should go. I was never invited anywhere, thankfully, so this situations had not presented itself before, but this time around the whole class has gotten invitation and I had grudgingly accepted the invitation that was thrust into my hands. I had destroyed it as soon as I could get out everyone's view but Rien's mom(there I do remember the name) had called my mom personally to invite me. My mom was all excited. She made such a big fuss, I was not even sure I would last through it. She took me shopping to buy something exquisite for Rien. What does he like? What does he play with? Did he tell you what he might want for his birthday? The questions just barged one after the other. I do not know how I hated at that moment more - my mom or Mrs.Rien. I would be sitting on my bed right now, curled up like a ball and having fun being with myself. Instead I was being dragged though all these brightly colored stores looking to find that elusive perfect gift that would make Rien go 'woo hoo' for a few seconds. Yes, it was Rien who was to blame. I did not even wish him 'Happy Birthday' and just sat by myself on the bench looking at my shoes - the ones that my mom has gotten me that day as a way to brighten up my mood. It had gotten even worse because I was comfortable in my older ones. They seemed to have gotten used to the shape of my feet so snugly, the new ones were too loose and I did not like the design either.

"Don't you want a piece of cake?" I looked up to see a smiling Mrs.Rien holding a plate of ginormous pieces of cake.
I shook my head?
"You want anything else, sweetie?" she asked with that silly grin still adorning her perfectly made up admittedly pretty face.
"Yes" I murmured.
"Yes?" she encouraged me.
"Leave me alone!" I spat out. That wiped the silly grin off her face and gave way to an even sillier expression of shock.

"Did you have a good time darling?" My mom asked me hoping against hope.
"No!" I said defiantly. She sank in the chair.

"Everything all right..." it was Mrs.Rien again.
"Yes...I am ..."
"Rien loves the gift you got him" she told my mom.
"oh! Thank you!"
"Your daughter on the other hand seemed to be in a bad mood. I hope she is not sick or something"
"Thank you. No she's not."
"Oh! Is that just the ways she is?"
"Yes..that is exactly the way she is!"
"A loner - eh?"
"A loner yes!"

That's the first time I heard the word...a word that has come to stick with me throughout my life.

(...to be continued)