Love or the idea of Love?

I have been meaning to write this blog for a long time but, with my podcast writing going full swing, my blog writing has taken a back seat. However, I saw something today that compelled me to write in the middle of creating an AI strategy document.

Like most people who work in tech, I occasionally take a break by scrolling through social media. Or perhaps that’s just me assuming that what is normal for me must be normal for everyone else. Either way, during one of those much-needed breaks, I came across a post in one of the Facebook groups I belong to.

A woman had posted a photograph of her crush. She explained that he had blocked her everywhere and was asking the group how she could get back in touch with him.

One member replied, “If he’s blocked you everywhere, have some respect and move on.”

To that she replied, first, “I like him.”

Moments later, she corrected herself.

“I love him.”

Almost as though she’d thought about it for a moment and realized this wasn’t merely a crush—it was love.

Twenty or even thirty years ago, I might have sympathized with her. I probably would have thought, Poor girl. She’s hopelessly in love. Even if I hadn’t encouraged her, I might have silently hoped that somehow things would work out.

Today, however, my reaction was very different.

This is the comment I wanted to write.

“You say you are in love with this man. Yet this is a man who has clearly told you, through his actions, that he does not want you in his life. He has blocked you everywhere. You have even posted photographs that appear to have been taken from his display pictures. Have you stopped to ask yourself what love actually is?

Let’s assume, just for a moment, that you really do love him. Imagine he unblocks you, you become a couple, and one day he cheats on you. Would you still love him in the same way? Would you continue pursuing him with the same determination? Probably not. Most people wouldn’t.

So why is cheating unacceptable, but blocking you somehow isn’t? If love were truly unconditional, as people so often claim, then neither should matter. Yet they clearly do.”

In my opinion—and I know this may be unpopular—romantic love without reciprocation often begins as nothing more than a crush.

You were right the first time. You like him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people make your heart beat faster. You see their photograph, you imagine what life with them might be like, and then your food arrives and you forget about them for a while. That’s healthy. The problem isn’t the crush. The problem is when the crush refuses to accept reality.

When someone has blocked you everywhere, the healthiest response isn’t to find another way into their life. It’s to walk away. Yes, unrequited love exists. I am not arguing otherwise.

Parents continue loving estranged children. People continue loving spouses who have died. Stories and films have celebrated enduring love for centuries.

That is not the kind of love I am talking about.

I am talking about romantic love that slowly crosses the line into obsession.

When someone clearly tells you—through words or actions—that they do not want you in their life, continuing to force yourself into that life is no longer love.

Love them if you must.

But let them go.

With time, even that love softens. It may remain somewhere in the quiet corners of your memory, but it no longer controls you.

I’ve watched people exhaust themselves trying to obtain love that was never available in the first place.

Which makes me wonder:

Is it really the person they want?

Or is it simply the challenge?

The real problem begins when you convince yourself that you need to be part of someone’s life regardless of whether they want you there.

That, to me, is not love.

That is being in love with the idea of being in love.

You simply need an object for your affection.

The individual almost becomes interchangeable.

You believe it is this person you love, but in reality, your emotional experience is entirely internal. Their feelings, their choices, and even their indifference hardly matter.

If none of those things matte…then what does? Only the name?

As William Shakespeare famously wrote:

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

(I know… rather ironic that I’m quoting arguably the most celebrated juvenile love story ever written.)

Real love isn’t just about loving someone’s smile, or the way their hair falls across their forehead—or doesn’t.

It is also about loving the way they look at you. The way they make you feel seen. The way their presence changes your world. If that second half doesn’t exist, perhaps what you’re in love with is not the person at all, but your own imagination of them. I also don’t believe unconditional romantic love exists. At the very least, we all have conditions. You probably wouldn’t continue loving someone if they turned out to be a murderer or a rapist.

Well…There’s your condition.

So to all the starry-eyed romantics out there, let me leave you with this.

If someone does not want you in their life, believe them. Move on. Love is not measured by how intensely you chase someone who is running away from you.

Love is measured by how naturally two people walk toward one another.

Anything that requires one person to keep chasing while the other keeps escaping may be longing.

It may be hope.

It may even be obsession.

But it isn’t the kind of love that builds a life.

Kuch Kuch Nahin Hotha Hain!

 'Kuch Kuch Hotha Hain' released in October 1998. I got married the first week of February 1999. I was a huge Salman Khan fan at that time (please don't judge me based on his persona today, just look at those years' Salman Khan and if your heart doesn't melt, well, you must be a hard nut to crack). SRK lead the cast but at that time, I could not stand him (again please don't judge me, just watch him in the movies around that time, he hams big time and is always saying - please pity me, please, please! ugh!). This movie was a disaster from start to finish. The posters are also cringier where he is hugging Kaajol and at the same time holding Rani's hand. The music is of course the life saver, and I truly think the movie was a hit because everyone went to see Salman Khan in a Black suit dancing to 'Tere ghar aaya main aaya tujhko lene!' It was a rage at that time and my choice for inclusion in my wedding video :-)

Somehow that movie always stayed with me for how inept it was. How the women were reduced to mere caricatures. Kaajol's role especially was such a drag - like she leaves this man who dances with her mom on sagai day to make the mom not feel bad that her daughter would be leaving soon and lavishes all the love in the world for Kaajol and actually does things for her. Yet, what does she do? She goes back to the man who rejected her all those years ago in favor of someone not because she was a better fit for him but because she looks, dresses and behaves 'better' (better as in Bollywood better - dresses in miniskirts, smiles all the time and marries the first man that proposes to her not because of who she is but because of how she looks!) To him a woman who plays and beats him at basketball, a woman who can shout back at him and refuses to follow the norm of how a woman is supposed to look is not good enough to love. She is good enough to be friend zoned and be all pally-pally with but nope, a tomboy like her who lives life on her own terms is not good enough to fall in love with.

She is only fit enough to fall in love with when she can dress in Saris, with long flowing hair, false eyelashes and perfect make up. She can only be loved when she can dance in a gharara and twirl around. The worst part? She doesn't mind it all. She feels so great that finally this red flag of a man realizes what a beautiful woman she is. She never questions him why he left but says - tum itna bhi nahi bol sake about an I-love-you game they play. Idiot, did you forget that he was in love with someone else. Why would you wish he would say that to you when he was clearly not in love with you but with some other woman. The only reason he's back to you is because she died and he now needs a nanny for their daughter and to provide that service you sacrifice the man who loves you for what you are. The man whom your family loves dearly. Truly, what an anti-thesis to the Kaajol of the first half.

I really wanted to rewrite that story with believable characters. Strong women who are good friends and don't need no Khans to show them their worth. Tomboyish or girly, every woman is beautiful in her own way and let us not have Karan Johar dictate who is worth falling in love. That is how I came up with my latest audio story - 'The Third Musketeers!'

https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-4juqp-1a86974

Of misunderstandings, tears and survival!

How does it feel to be misunderstood all the time? From the day you are born to the day you die - sometimes the reason of the death being the misunderstanding itself?

 I remember that when I was doing my Engineering, I was considered to be a brave and fearless girl. Also, I was always laughing and joking around most of the time, picking fights sometimes with the lecturers even! All in all, a happy-go-lucky kind of girl. My friends used to joke saying I came across as being unemotional and wondered if anything could move me to tears. I laughed it off at that time. Yes, I do not shed tears easily. I remember our Telugu teacher in middle school, would tease the girls in the class saying we had a switch in our heads that could be used to start and stop the running waters of a pump at will. He met his match with me. I didn't shed tears even when he once hit me on my knuckles with the back of a duster. This was when I was very young. I remember once I did not make it to the top of the class, I think I was in 6th or 7th grade. I shed a lot of tears at that time. So much so that I was not in a state to go to the final assembly. Such a drama queen I was at that time. However, my mother got wind of this and when I went home that day, she told me that it is a sign of weakness to shed tears in public. Somehow in my life, whatever advise my mother has given me has been like Laxman Rekha for me. Once, I scored a failing mark of 22/100 in Mathematics in my Kindergarten. They used to mark that with a red pen. I did not know what it meant until she explained to me that the red ink meant I had failed in the exam and that was a real bad thing. I don't think I ever failed in any exam after that!

While I don't think I ever shed public tears after my mom's words of wisdom, I have not had a dearth of them when it came to being a tragic heroine at home! The one thing that would turn the switch on would be when my immediate family - my dad, my mom or my brothers would misunderstand me on something. Did not matter if it were a big or small thing - if a part of me felt like my words or actions had been taken out of context, then I would be bawling my eyes out. I did not care the same for people outside this circle but somehow the feeling that the people who knew me so well could get it so wrong about what I was saying or doing. Yes, that feeling of being completely and utterly misunderstood made me miserable enough to start being the sensitive and emotional being that I am not normally considered to be - at least not by my Engineering dosts :-)

Coming back to my original question on how it must feel to be misunderstood all the time when being misunderstood once can move a sane strong woman to insane weak tears! Now, imagine being misunderstood all the time, being hunted and killed simply for the fact that you have the tools to defend yourself when in danger. Yes, that's right, if someone steps on you and you decide to spew your venom to defend yourself, not just you but your entire species is labeled as killers and hunted down. Literally! 

Snakes, I believe are one of the most misunderstood creatures in the world. It is ironic that on one extreme they are treated like Gods and on the other extreme, they are killed mercilessly as soon as they have the misfortune of being spotted. With stones, sticks and anything else that one could lay hands on. I saw this illustrated in my life, pretty early. When I was in my mother's womb, my father was posted in a remote area in the Eastern Ghats. The home my dad and mom lived in was right next to a thick forest where visits by wild animals and snakes was a routine thing. Apparently one day my mother worked on this big sewing machine, got tired and pushed it away and slept with her head towards it. She recalls getting a strange feeling and apparently woke up to see a Cobra sitting on the machine with its hood spread out. Generally, snakes just don't come and seek you. They only react to the presence of humans; they don't come out looking for humans. I don't think any animal in its right senses would. So, we are not completely sure how and why it go there. Maybe it had come in to seek warmth and got lost and scared. It is only when they get anxious does their hood flare out. I guess my mother sensed it and woke up from her sleep to this scene. I can only imagine the terror she must have felt as she slowly made her way out of the room. Everyone was alerted but apparently by the time help arrived, the snake had thankfully slithered away. The verdict was that the snake had come to bless me and I was a lucky baby and that I should be named after the cobra, something like Naagmani; an illustration of the divinity associated with the King Cobra illustrating the one extreme.

The other extreme happened when I must have been 3-4 years old.  I remember playing on the swing in the backyard and then heading inside from the back door. As I closed the door behind me and looked to my right towards the washing machine that stood in the corner, I saw a snake staring at me from beneath it. I think I ran to my dad and told him. What followed after still haunts me to this day. My dad along with 2-3 other men, hunted it down and killed it. Its last moments are still engraved in my memory as its energy to get away slowly eroded and it finally stopped trying to do so. Even at that young age, I felt responsible for choking the life out of it. I still do. The other extreme where all hell broke loose because the poor snake found itself coveting the warmth of a home that stood in its way out of the forest. Little did it realize that there would be us humans to make sure it never knows cold or warmth ever after. Sigh!

From that time onwards, I've had a special attachment to snakes. Somehow, I am always on their side, a sort of kindred tenderness towards the species. Whenever I'd chance upon the shed skin of a snake on my walks in the wilderness, I'd feel so happy that this snake was able to survive enough to grow into a new skin and must be happily slithering somewhere in its shiny new coat! As my dad said once to a person who asked him if the Naagmani was a real thing, that if you believe anything can be God, if not, it's just another animal going about its business. 

I emulate my dad when it comes to nature and animals. He always said that every living thing, be it be a human being or an animal or plant should be given the respect it deserves. Yes, if you see a tiger or snake in the wild, give it the respect it deserves and clear out of the vicinity. Don’t be like oh! I love animals, so i am going to chase after them. Just like in relationships, more than love, understanding is what matters. If you are going to be careless enough to walk in the thicket without proper shoes and then get bit by a snake, it’s your fault. Don’t be hating on the poor snake who is the victim here more than you. Also, loving the animals does not mean that you go and stand in front of them to show your love. My dad always said that wild animals have instincts that can’t be turned off. That is why we hear about so many incidents involving domesticated wild animals that seem to turn on their trainers. They are not doing that out of spite, rather just an instinctive reaction to things happening around them. 

Coming back on track with my snake stories, I have a funny one. My dad once got a caged snake home. There was some transfer going on and the snake needed home for a day. Of course, we kids were all super excited and am sure the snake was like what the heck is going on. Anyways, that night somehow it managed to escape. Yes! Murphy’s law does work and no, I promise, I didn't have anything to do with it. The panic that set in amongst the neighbors and families living around us, I can still laugh my head off about. However, we were cool as cucumbers, Being the family of a forest officer meant that we knew the snake must have taken the chance and slithered away to the safest place possible. My cousin sister told me that she’d get tensed visiting our home a long time after! I was rooting for the snake. 

Just like I was rooting for this huge snake that feel into an underground water tank that was dug next to our bedroom when some construction was happening in our house. This tank was like 3/4th full and we watched with horror as this snake struggled to get out. Dad wasn’t around and we didn’t know what to do other than staying away from the damn tank. Of course, we couldn’t take out eyes off it and watched from the safety of the bedroom through the window. As if my magic that evening, rains lashed the City of Hyderabad and when it pours in Hyderabad, all the water seems to make its way to our compound since our home is situated downstream. The tank started filling up and the snake was able to heave itself out and disappear as fast. I still remember that magnificent creature struggling to save its life. It was huge, might have been a python, I am not sure. We watched in wonder, cheering on as the water filled the tank up bit by bit. It was like watching a live thriller. As the poor creature finally got out, it lay still for a second presumably to catch its breath and thank its lucky stars after the intense struggle. I can still feel the relief! I wonder if my cousin sister knew this had happened lol and wonder what her reaction would have been!

My mother after moving to the US while walking through the forest preserves comments that she is happy that there are no snakes here. I can't blame her phobia after going through times like watching her slippers to make sure a snake wasn't using it as a resting place all those years ago! I did not have the heart to tell her that there are, just not the poisonous kind. I have spotted a few garter snakes here and there. I marvel at the speed at which they disappear like that Flash hero my children watch. Such beautiful creatures; musical, mystical and absolutely delightful!

Every snake that I catch in the wild thriving lessens the guilt I carry for causing the death of one of their own by about 0.0001%! 

Manu more snakes to go. As always, I shall be rooting for them!

Naa tere bin - A journey of a lifetime in a song!

The last time I reviewed a song in its entirety was when I reviewed the ghazal 'Ranjish hi Sahi'. No introductions needed for that one. I did review Guru Dutt's music a while ago, but it has been a while since I reviewed anything new. Well, the song I am about to review is not that new and no, I am not reviewing anything from Saiyaara :-)

This is actually a song from the 2022 released film 'Ek tha Villian Returns'. This 'Ek tha Villain' Series is kinda my nemesis. I cannot handle violence that well, makes me very uneasy. Especially, violence against women. I remember the first film in this series had Riteish Deshmukh as the villain who murders Shraddha Kapoor. So even though, it had a couple of good songs in it, I did not watch that movie. The second one, I didn't even pay attention to. The songs did not seem to catch on and hence I did not pay any attention to it at all, until a couple of weeks ago. The youtube algorithm or the TikTok algorithm I am not sure recommended this song to me. I did not recognize the singer of this song Altamash Faridi. His soulful singing did capture my heart and as I listened to it, I was completely enamored. I heard it on repeat many times and every time I heard it, it captured me even more. There are some songs that have good music, some that tug at your heartstrings with their lyrics and some that are sung with so much intensity that they pull you into their world. Well, this song had all that and more. 

I want to stop gushing here and take you to journey this song with me so that you can better understand my errr, gushing!

tera asar oh bekhabar

main kho gaya jaane kidhar 

The beginning is perhaps a little simple and basic with the protagonist setting the stage by letting his lady love (and us) know that she's been unaware of the effect that she has on him, that he feels utterly lost somewhere. 

Now that the stage has been set, he goes on to sing - 

tu mere paas hain abhi,

tho lamhe khaas hain abhi! 

I absolutely love the interplay of words in these lines to convey the fact that the moments spent together (paas) are still special (khaas). The addition of the word abhi (still) adds to that magic dust gathering around. Abhi can be used to refer to the present moment, but it also adds to the continuity of the emotion. That you are with me, and these moments are special as long as you are with me. The poet Tanishq Bagchi, could easily have removed the word abhi from it and retained the meaning mostly by penning 

tu mere paas hain,

tho lamhe khaas hain! 

But by adding the word 'abhi', he takes it to a whole another level where the moment goes beyond the present to capture eternity in its continuity. 

He continues with - 

 

Na jaane kab hua yaqeen,

ke kuch bhi tere bin naheen!

Don't know when I came to the belief,

that there is nothing without you...

This happens to be a recurring theme in the song - the fact that he is slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that his existence depends on her presence. This realization is gradual as he gets more and more into her. It's like he kept falling for her more and more until one day it dawns on him that his being is completely engulfed by her, to the extent that he feels like there is nothing without her, a turning point in his life that makes him sing - 

Na tere bin rehna ji,

Na aur kuch kehna ji...

going with the theme of nothing without you that rings throughout this song - basically saying that I don't want to live without you and won't say anything more than that. Period. Again, the play of 'ji' here is fascinating similar to the play of abhi...adding that layer of familiarity - tenderly addressing her  inthe first ji and perhaps the rest of the world in the next ji...like an afterthought, that he doesn't have anything else to say and doesn't care that much anyways. A finality of what he sees life as progressing from there onwards considering his realization earlier. 

and then come the magical stanzas - 

ke jagte jagte,

main umr beeta doon

This is where the song pivots dramatically—almost like stepping into another timeline. The earlier stanzas lull you into believing this is a lovey-dovey romantic song brimming with love and longing. But then, these lines arrive like a quiet storm, hinting to the fact that he doesn’t have her in his life, at least not yet. But that doesn't deter him - he’s ready to spend an entire lifetime waiting.

I will keep awake (stress of awake by repetition of jagte!)

and spend my life

The repetition of jagte is powerful. It’s not just about staying awake, its more about keeping vigil day and night for her arrival in his life. 

Na ek pal chaina ji,

Hai saath mein rehna ji

There is not a moment's peace,

Have to live with you...

and then the repetition 

ke jagte jagte,

main umr beeta loon...

Confirming the fact that they are not together since he's restless and wants to be with her even if it means being awake his entire life waiting...so wonderfully they tie it to the previous stanza...reinforcing his longing and eternal waiting...

Jo baaqi saans hain abhi,

woh tere paas hain abhi

Repetition of the abhi patterns saying that 

whatever breaths are left still,

they belong to you still...

mujhe ab ho gaya yaqeen,

ke tere bin main kucn nahin...

I have come to the conclusion,

that I am nothing without you

tying it back to the lines that have appeared before...another ongoing theme with the song.  But taking it a step further by saying that not just everything else but he himself is nothing without her. There are so many dynamics in this song, its simply mind-blowing.

Naa Tere Bin Rehna Ji

Na Aur Kuchh Kehna Ji

Ke Jagte Jagte

Main Umar Beeta Loon

Everything is brought together to end this section of the song which ends in yearning and longing. 

Longing for what? We will know more as he continues the rhythmic journey - 

Kareeb Aa Tu Iss Tarah

Saansein Mile Do Jis Tarah

Main Tere Sang Yeh

Safar Guzarun

Come near me in such a way,

that two breaths meet each other,

I with you,

want to journey together

That is the longing! The journey here of course is meant to symbolize the journey of life. A journey where he happened to meet her and that meeting inspires the following - 

Mile jo Tum Mujhe Abhi

Toh Ho Gaya Mujhe Yakeen

Kitna Main Tanha

Bheed Mein Raha Hoon

When you met me now,

I started to believe, (this is a play on the line from before where says the same thing with the word Yakeen in a different way)

How alone,

amongst a crowd I have been 

Again, this song is about self-realization from the protagonist who is finding out in myriad different ways her importance in his life:  that he is nothing without her, that he is alone even in a crowd without her...reminds me of the lyrics from Aashiqui that go like - tanha tanha lauta hoon main tho bhari mehfil se (I have returned alone from a crowded party).

Yeh Zid Mein Hi Rehna Ji

Judaai Nahi Sehna Ji

He's getting a bit bolder now after realizing how much she means to him. He is saying that now he is going to be stubborn and won't be without her. 

Ke Hanste Hanste

Main Gham Tera Ro Loon

These 2 lines are again very magical. Don't think you can find a parallel to any song here as he says,

that he would with a smile (laugh to be more precise), he would cry her tears and sadness. Can you imagine like 8 words conveying the intensity of love better than this - that he would be take on her sadness and would be happy to do so!

I am going to skip the repetitive sections here, but they add so much to the song. Be sure to listen to them and see how well they fit in with the flow of the song.

Agar Tu Na Mile Mujhe

Main Lamhe Rok Loon Yahin

Jahan Se Hum Shuru Hue

Main Dohraun Woh Pal Sabhi

These 4 lines go so well together that I did not have the heart to separate them. 

If I don't manage to have you,

I will stop the moments right here.

Where we started from,

I am going to repeat all those moments

Again, such a novel way of conveying the fact that he doesn't want to live without her. That he would basically put a break to his life if he doesn't achiever her and restart living the moments they have lived since they got together. Uff!

Before you think that his love is too intense and he might be smothering her with it, comes the gentle reminder to her and more so to himself that his love is not conditional, it is just there, without expectation, without reciprocation even! 

Tujhe Main Chahun Iss kadar

Na Chahe Tu Mujhe Agar

Main Tujhse Mohabbat

Karta Rahunga

I will love you to such an extent,

that even if you don't love me,

I will keep loving you

I feel like this song is going along the lines of the 7 stages of ishq - one level higher than the other wherein ultimately the lover does not need the loved to be present. Slowly but surely, you can see that his love continues to ascend more and more to the extent that he is not even worried about whether she loves him or not. He is not going to stop loving her no matter what she feels.  I think this is the purest form of love, where you continue to love someone even though they might have moved on or for some reason are not part of your life anymore. After all, as Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 says -

  “Love is not love

   Which alters when it alteration finds,
   Or bends with the remover to remove:
   O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
   That looks on tempests and is never shaken.”

Watch as the protagonist takes this one step further saying - 

Yeh Khaalipan Manzoor Hai

Ismein Nahi Tu Door Hai

Jahaan Tak Dekhun

Tu Hi Dikhega

This emptiness is acceptable to me,

In this you are not far from me,

To the extent I see,

I only see you

This again I feel is another higher stage of love where he says that he is fine with the loneliness or the emptiness that comes from loving her because the emptiness is due to her. In that emptiness too wherever he looks, he finds her since she is the cause of it. Basically saying that an emptiness caused by her is more dear to him than any fullness he might find in the world that is not related to her. 

Ishq Tera Pehna Ji

Sach Toh Yahi Haina Ji

Ke Behte Behte

Main Raah Bana Loon

I have worn your love,

and it is indeed the truth,

that as I keep flowing,

I will make my way

There was once a time in my life when someone told me when I mentioned that a certain thing would have been impossible to accomplish, that they had a way of slowly chipping away and achieving the impossible with perseverance, persistence and stubbornness. That no matter how long it takes, if it is important to them, given a chance they would realize the goal. That confidence in one's own ability to achieving dreams seems believable just like how one also wants to believe in the hero here as he says that wearing her love, he is confident that he will find a way to get to her as he keeps making ways towards her by flowing along!

The confidence seems to grow as he tells her 

Main Aadha Jee Raha Yahin

Adhoori Tu Bhi Toh Yahin

Kinaare Woh Jo Na Mile

Unhein Milna Toh Hai Kahin

I am living half (incomplete) here,

you are also incomplete here,

The shores that do not meet,

have to meet somewhere

This is how the song ends with him telling her that he feels half himself and the other half happens to be her is there too with him. He goes on to say that the shores that might seem like won't meet ever have to converge somewhere. This ending shifts the tone from despair to faith, a quiet conviction that love will find its way, even if the present feels impossible. It’s not just romantic; it’s existential, suggesting that their union is inevitable in the grand scheme of life.

As you can see, the song comes a full circle and closes the arc in the end, just like the shores of river closing the gap beyond the visible horizon. 

*****

PS: I was in a conversation where it was discussed that the era of longing and yearning seem to be over because we are in the age of instant gratification where once you start missing someone you can pick the phone and call them. I would say that rings true when the situation is right but in circumstances like these where for some reason, you can't really pick up the phone and call, the yearning and longing still exists and how better can it be conveyed than through each word in this song.

What I like most about this song is that it brings together so many hues of life - hopelessness, yearning, helplessness, resignation, inevitability, hope, confidence, faith, tears and most of all the fact that soulmates will find their way towards each other in the most impossible of circumstances.

Saiyaara - A kind of review

I was struck by a comment my daughter made after watching the super-successful Bollywood movie 'Saiyaara' for a second time yesterday (yes, she loved it so much she had to watch it again, and I was the casualty!). For those who do not watch Bollywood movies, the synopsis of this movie is that it tells the story of a young couple who both have painful pasts and help each other through them. They are pleased with their present, but the future has other plans that test their commitment to each other. Through the usual song and dance (which I find very romantic) and drama (which I find very unnecessary), the story progresses with the underlying theme that no matter how successful you are, how many goals you reach, how many dreams you achieve, if you are unable to have the person you love next you, then you keep finding ways to run back to them. Even if going back to them means that you are going against your success that you claimed after a long struggle. Even that becomes meaningless in the absence of this special person. So, what if the whole world knows me, if she is forgetting who I am! The hero Krish Kapoor laments, and that is the entire premise of the story. Interestingly, the same movie argues against the concept of sacrificing your dreams for a person who has no trouble breaking your heart and going to great lengths to pursue their own goals, while you are left struggling to breathe. The first decision proves highly challenging to our pretty young heroine as she loses all her sense of purpose and direction. Yeah, she forgets to even smile! She, however, fights against it, taking baby steps when she is presented with a man who becomes her support system. She in turn becomes his support system. Then follows the unnecessary drama that pulls them apart and tests the hero’s dedication to a woman who not only accepted his flaws but helped him overcome them. Does he go back to her or go to the world that worships him after he overcame his flaws? Ahaan Panday’s portrayal of Krish Kapoor, who achieves dizzying heights but cannot quite enjoy his success because his woman is suffering, takes this movie to another level. He brings that element of believability to the role that seems to be the reason for tears flowing freely with Gen-Z. That a man could love a woman like that, that a man could think that suffering with the woman he loves gives him more happiness than crooning to the biggest fan gathering at a concert. I believe this good old-fashioned love had lost its way in Bollywood, with even Shah Rukh Khan trying to outwit his lady love in action-packed drivel. It’s beautiful to watch Krish Kapoor cry effortlessly, never question his heroine’s commitment, and basically do everything in his power to find and keep his woman. He takes her weaknesses in stride, never stops dreaming of a life with her, and continues to work towards their relationship even in the worst of circumstances. Even when she takes a knife to him! Of course, reality sometimes takes a nosedive in these romances, but it is still heartwarming to watch. This movie gives back the hero in Bollywood, the freedom to love his woman completely, be supportive of her, and hold her hand through the worst of circumstances. In recent times, I have found that this is lacking, and it’s almost as if the hero is considered more macho if he disrespects, tricks, or even hits the woman he loves. That sets a dangerous precedent. Even those films lack a lesson in depicting reality. I would much rather watch a movie that paints an almost perfect picture of selfless love. If nothing else, I hope this generation can see how beautiful it is when a man truly loves a woman. How wonderful it is when a man gives back to the woman the same kind of support and commitment that she had extended to him. It also teaches the girls that this is the kind of man they should aspire to have in their lives. That nothing is more beautiful, not his muscles, nor his money, nor his arrogance, than a ride on the motorcycle with him as he zooms on it, making sure you are well protected and near him. Yes, romance has been glorified in this movie. However, I’d much rather this be glorified than mindless violence and misogynistic love stories. Hopefully, the days of musical love stories where the woman is shown in a positive light and the man loves her wholly are back in Bollywood. It’s great to feel the same kind of feelings one felt while watching a Qayamat se Qayamat Tak, an Aashiqui, a Maine Pyar Kiya, or a Dil To Pagal hain! Some of the things I loved about the movie The heroine’s mom comes at Krish with a tirade, demanding that he either leave her or marry her. It was pretty comical to watch her give him an ultimatum on the first day she saw her daughter, Vaani, with him. But what does Krish do? He goes to Vaani and says that we should get married. Sweet! The music is so great! Grows on you, and finally we get to hear romantic songs that are not Arijit’s. No offense to him, he is the best when it comes to crooning to their tunes, but new talent is always good to hear. The ‘Mere paas aur kuch pal baaqi hain’ (I have a few more moments left) scene was endearing. Wish they had used it a little less, though. The tattoos that Krish Kapoor sports, especially the arm band one, were simply stunning. More than him, I watched the tattoo; it was so attractively placed and highlighted through his guitar-playing skills! They used these subtle things to highlight the hero’s desirability rather than have some half-witted woman running after him or have the heroine keep saying - tum kya cheez ho yaar! (Karah Johar, please don’t do that, Ranveer Singh doesn’t need that to show that he is hot!). Of course, the best scene was when he sees her on the big screen and runs towards it, collapsing. Don’t think there was a dry eye for that one. Loved the way he kept on repeating things to make her remember. He keeps getting tired but does not let up until she does. Not practical, but still a joy to watch his persistence. The wedding scene at the end added significantly to the movie. I don’t think I could have handled another sad ending after Aashiqui 2’s ending, thirteen years ago. Some of the things I did not love so much about the movie Why oh why, did they have to bring her ex in and make such a mess? It was so bad, I take like 3 points away from the movie for this unbelievably insipid track. The movie went from being very good to decent with that track. Ugh! Krish treats his friends so horribly. Being an angel towards the love of your life does not mean that you behave like shit with your friends. He could be nicer to them, considering they were responsible for his ultimate success. To be fair, he is shown like that even before he meets her. So, it was a character flaw, but it was not easy to stomach. Especially the scene where he is locked in the bathroom doing acrobatics with a woman while his friend, whom he just dissed, is worried about him. Easily the lousiest scene in the movie. The whole track with Krish’s dad was incredibly lacking, too. I wish they had explored it more, considering his whole angst and trauma are because of his dad’s alcoholism. Vaani is such a pretty face, but I wish they hadn't made her act with the innocence and naivety of an 8-year-old. She did a good job, but sometimes her saccharine sweetness, even while stabbing the hero, was a bit much! All in all, a good watch if you are into romantic musicals (who isn’t?)! My daughter’s comment, you ask? How much personality adds to a person's appearance, and ultimately, what matters most is love. I think it was a win for Mohit Suri, the director of the film, if Gen-Z can come away feeling that way from the movie.