Of misunderstandings, tears and survival!

How does it feel to be misunderstood all the time? From the day you are born to the day you die - sometimes the reason of the death being the misunderstanding itself?

 I remember that when I was doing my Engineering, I was considered to be a brave and fearless girl. Also, I was always laughing and joking around most of the time, picking fights sometimes with the lecturers even! All in all, a happy-go-lucky kind of girl. My friends used to joke saying I came across as being unemotional and wondered if anything could move me to tears. I laughed it off at that time. Yes, I do not shed tears easily. I remember our Telugu teacher in middle school, would tease the girls in the class saying we had a switch in our heads that could be used to start and stop the running waters of a pump at will. He met his match with me. I didn't shed tears even when he once hit me on my knuckles with the back of a duster. This was when I was very young. I remember once I did not make it to the top of the class, I think I was in 6th or 7th grade. I shed a lot of tears at that time. So much so that I was not in a state to go to the final assembly. Such a drama queen I was at that time. However, my mother got wind of this and when I went home that day, she told me that it is a sign of weakness to shed tears in public. Somehow in my life, whatever advise my mother has given me has been like Laxman Rekha for me. Once, I scored a failing mark of 22/100 in Mathematics in my Kindergarten. They used to mark that with a red pen. I did not know what it meant until she explained to me that the red ink meant I had failed in the exam and that was a real bad thing. I don't think I ever failed in any exam after that!

While I don't think I ever shed public tears after my mom's words of wisdom, I have not had a dearth of them when it came to being a tragic heroine at home! The one thing that would turn the switch on would be when my immediate family - my dad, my mom or my brothers would misunderstand me on something. Did not matter if it were a big or small thing - if a part of me felt like my words or actions had been taken out of context, then I would be bawling my eyes out. I did not care the same for people outside this circle but somehow the feeling that the people who knew me so well could get it so wrong about what I was saying or doing. Yes, that feeling of being completely and utterly misunderstood made me miserable enough to start being the sensitive and emotional being that I am not normally considered to be - at least not by my Engineering dosts :-)

Coming back to my original question on how it must feel to be misunderstood all the time when being misunderstood once can move a sane strong woman to insane weak tears! Now, imagine being misunderstood all the time, being hunted and killed simply for the fact that you have the tools to defend yourself when in danger. Yes, that's right, if someone steps on you and you decide to spew your venom to defend yourself, not just you but your entire species is labeled as killers and hunted down. Literally! 

Snakes, I believe are one of the most misunderstood creatures in the world. It is ironic that on one extreme they are treated like Gods and on the other extreme, they are killed mercilessly as soon as they have the misfortune of being spotted. With stones, sticks and anything else that one could lay hands on. I saw this illustrated in my life, pretty early. When I was in my mother's womb, my father was posted in a remote area in the Eastern Ghats. The home my dad and mom lived in was right next to a thick forest where visits by wild animals and snakes was a routine thing. Apparently one day my mother worked on this big sewing machine, got tired and pushed it away and slept with her head towards it. She recalls getting a strange feeling and apparently woke up to see a Cobra sitting on the machine with its hood spread out. Generally, snakes just don't come and seek you. They only react to the presence of humans; they don't come out looking for humans. I don't think any animal in its right senses would. So, we are not completely sure how and why it go there. Maybe it had come in to seek warmth and got lost and scared. It is only when they get anxious does their hood flare out. I guess my mother sensed it and woke up from her sleep to this scene. I can only imagine the terror she must have felt as she slowly made her way out of the room. Everyone was alerted but apparently by the time help arrived, the snake had thankfully slithered away. The verdict was that the snake had come to bless me and I was a lucky baby and that I should be named after the cobra, something like Naagmani; an illustration of the divinity associated with the King Cobra illustrating the one extreme.

The other extreme happened when I must have been 3-4 years old.  I remember playing on the swing in the backyard and then heading inside from the back door. As I closed the door behind me and looked to my right towards the washing machine that stood in the corner, I saw a snake staring at me from beneath it. I think I ran to my dad and told him. What followed after still haunts me to this day. My dad along with 2-3 other men, hunted it down and killed it. Its last moments are still engraved in my memory as its energy to get away slowly eroded and it finally stopped trying to do so. Even at that young age, I felt responsible for choking the life out of it. I still do. The other extreme where all hell broke loose because the poor snake found itself coveting the warmth of a home that stood in its way out of the forest. Little did it realize that there would be us humans to make sure it never knows cold or warmth ever after. Sigh!

From that time onwards, I've had a special attachment to snakes. Somehow, I am always on their side, a sort of kindred tenderness towards the species. Whenever I'd chance upon the shed skin of a snake on my walks in the wilderness, I'd feel so happy that this snake was able to survive enough to grow into a new skin and must be happily slithering somewhere in its shiny new coat! As my dad said once to a person who asked him if the Naagmani was a real thing, that if you believe anything can be God, if not, it's just another animal going about its business. 

I emulate my dad when it comes to nature and animals. He always said that every living thing, be it be a human being or an animal or plant should be given the respect it deserves. Yes, if you see a tiger or snake in the wild, give it the respect it deserves and clear out of the vicinity. Don’t be like oh! I love animals, so i am going to chase after them. Just like in relationships, more than love, understanding is what matters. If you are going to be careless enough to walk in the thicket without proper shoes and then get bit by a snake, it’s your fault. Don’t be hating on the poor snake who is the victim here more than you. Also, loving the animals does not mean that you go and stand in front of them to show your love. My dad always said that wild animals have instincts that can’t be turned off. That is why we hear about so many incidents involving domesticated wild animals that seem to turn on their trainers. They are not doing that out of spite, rather just an instinctive reaction to things happening around them. 

Coming back on track with my snake stories, I have a funny one. My dad once got a caged snake home. There was some transfer going on and the snake needed home for a day. Of course, we kids were all super excited and am sure the snake was like what the heck is going on. Anyways, that night somehow it managed to escape. Yes! Murphy’s law does work and no, I promise, I didn't have anything to do with it. The panic that set in amongst the neighbors and families living around us, I can still laugh my head off about. However, we were cool as cucumbers, Being the family of a forest officer meant that we knew the snake must have taken the chance and slithered away to the safest place possible. My cousin sister told me that she’d get tensed visiting our home a long time after! I was rooting for the snake. 

Just like I was rooting for this huge snake that feel into an underground water tank that was dug next to our bedroom when some construction was happening in our house. This tank was like 3/4th full and we watched with horror as this snake struggled to get out. Dad wasn’t around and we didn’t know what to do other than staying away from the damn tank. Of course, we couldn’t take out eyes off it and watched from the safety of the bedroom through the window. As if my magic that evening, rains lashed the City of Hyderabad and when it pours in Hyderabad, all the water seems to make its way to our compound since our home is situated downstream. The tank started filling up and the snake was able to heave itself out and disappear as fast. I still remember that magnificent creature struggling to save its life. It was huge, might have been a python, I am not sure. We watched in wonder, cheering on as the water filled the tank up bit by bit. It was like watching a live thriller. As the poor creature finally got out, it lay still for a second presumably to catch its breath and thank its lucky stars after the intense struggle. I can still feel the relief! I wonder if my cousin sister knew this had happened lol and wonder what her reaction would have been!

My mother after moving to the US while walking through the forest preserves comments that she is happy that there are no snakes here. I can't blame her phobia after going through times like watching her slippers to make sure a snake wasn't using it as a resting place all those years ago! I did not have the heart to tell her that there are, just not the poisonous kind. I have spotted a few garter snakes here and there. I marvel at the speed at which they disappear like that Flash hero my children watch. Such beautiful creatures; musical, mystical and absolutely delightful!

Every snake that I catch in the wild thriving lessens the guilt I carry for causing the death of one of their own by about 0.0001%! 

Manu more snakes to go. As always, I shall be rooting for them!

Naa tere bin - A journey of a lifetime in a song!

The last time I reviewed a song in its entirety was when I reviewed the ghazal 'Ranjish hi Sahi'. No introductions needed for that one. I did review Guru Dutt's music a while ago, but it has been a while since I reviewed anything new. Well, the song I am about to review is not that new and no, I am not reviewing anything from Saiyaara :-)

This is actually a song from the 2022 released film 'Ek tha Villian Returns'. This 'Ek tha Villain' Series is kinda my nemesis. I cannot handle violence that well, makes me very uneasy. Especially, violence against women. I remember the first film in this series had Riteish Deshmukh as the villain who murders Shraddha Kapoor. So even though, it had a couple of good songs in it, I did not watch that movie. The second one, I didn't even pay attention to. The songs did not seem to catch on and hence I did not pay any attention to it at all, until a couple of weeks ago. The youtube algorithm or the TikTok algorithm I am not sure recommended this song to me. I did not recognize the singer of this song Altamash Faridi. His soulful singing did capture my heart and as I listened to it, I was completely enamored. I heard it on repeat many times and every time I heard it, it captured me even more. There are some songs that have good music, some that tug at your heartstrings with their lyrics and some that are sung with so much intensity that they pull you into their world. Well, this song had all that and more. 

I want to stop gushing here and take you to journey this song with me so that you can better understand my errr, gushing!

tera asar oh bekhabar

main kho gaya jaane kidhar 

The beginning is perhaps a little simple and basic with the protagonist setting the stage by letting his lady love (and us) know that she's been unaware of the effect that she has on him, that he feels utterly lost somewhere. 

Now that the stage has been set, he goes on to sing - 

tu mere paas hain abhi,

tho lamhe khaas hain abhi! 

I absolutely love the interplay of words in these lines to convey the fact that the moments spent together (paas) are still special (khaas). The addition of the word abhi (still) adds to that magic dust gathering around. Abhi can be used to refer to the present moment, but it also adds to the continuity of the emotion. That you are with me, and these moments are special as long as you are with me. The poet Tanishq Bagchi, could easily have removed the word abhi from it and retained the meaning mostly by penning 

tu mere paas hain,

tho lamhe khaas hain! 

But by adding the word 'abhi', he takes it to a whole another level where the moment goes beyond the present to capture eternity in its continuity. 

He continues with - 

 

Na jaane kab hua yaqeen,

ke kuch bhi tere bin naheen!

Don't know when I came to the belief,

that there is nothing without you...

This happens to be a recurring theme in the song - the fact that he is slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that his existence depends on her presence. This realization is gradual as he gets more and more into her. It's like he kept falling for her more and more until one day it dawns on him that his being is completely engulfed by her, to the extent that he feels like there is nothing without her, a turning point in his life that makes him sing - 

Na tere bin rehna ji,

Na aur kuch kehna ji...

going with the theme of nothing without you that rings throughout this song - basically saying that I don't want to live without you and won't say anything more than that. Period. Again, the play of 'ji' here is fascinating similar to the play of abhi...adding that layer of familiarity - tenderly addressing her  inthe first ji and perhaps the rest of the world in the next ji...like an afterthought, that he doesn't have anything else to say and doesn't care that much anyways. A finality of what he sees life as progressing from there onwards considering his realization earlier. 

and then come the magical stanzas - 

ke jagte jagte,

main umr beeta doon

This is where the song pivots dramatically—almost like stepping into another timeline. The earlier stanzas lull you into believing this is a lovey-dovey romantic song brimming with love and longing. But then, these lines arrive like a quiet storm, hinting to the fact that he doesn’t have her in his life, at least not yet. But that doesn't deter him - he’s ready to spend an entire lifetime waiting.

I will keep awake (stress of awake by repetition of jagte!)

and spend my life

The repetition of jagte is powerful. It’s not just about staying awake, its more about keeping vigil day and night for her arrival in his life. 

Na ek pal chaina ji,

Hai saath mein rehna ji

There is not a moment's peace,

Have to live with you...

and then the repetition 

ke jagte jagte,

main umr beeta loon...

Confirming the fact that they are not together since he's restless and wants to be with her even if it means being awake his entire life waiting...so wonderfully they tie it to the previous stanza...reinforcing his longing and eternal waiting...

Jo baaqi saans hain abhi,

woh tere paas hain abhi

Repetition of the abhi patterns saying that 

whatever breaths are left still,

they belong to you still...

mujhe ab ho gaya yaqeen,

ke tere bin main kucn nahin...

I have come to the conclusion,

that I am nothing without you

tying it back to the lines that have appeared before...another ongoing theme with the song.  But taking it a step further by saying that not just everything else but he himself is nothing without her. There are so many dynamics in this song, its simply mind-blowing.

Naa Tere Bin Rehna Ji

Na Aur Kuchh Kehna Ji

Ke Jagte Jagte

Main Umar Beeta Loon

Everything is brought together to end this section of the song which ends in yearning and longing. 

Longing for what? We will know more as he continues the rhythmic journey - 

Kareeb Aa Tu Iss Tarah

Saansein Mile Do Jis Tarah

Main Tere Sang Yeh

Safar Guzarun

Come near me in such a way,

that two breaths meet each other,

I with you,

want to journey together

That is the longing! The journey here of course is meant to symbolize the journey of life. A journey where he happened to meet her and that meeting inspires the following - 

Mile jo Tum Mujhe Abhi

Toh Ho Gaya Mujhe Yakeen

Kitna Main Tanha

Bheed Mein Raha Hoon

When you met me now,

I started to believe, (this is a play on the line from before where says the same thing with the word Yakeen in a different way)

How alone,

amongst a crowd I have been 

Again, this song is about self-realization from the protagonist who is finding out in myriad different ways her importance in his life:  that he is nothing without her, that he is alone even in a crowd without her...reminds me of the lyrics from Aashiqui that go like - tanha tanha lauta hoon main tho bhari mehfil se (I have returned alone from a crowded party).

Yeh Zid Mein Hi Rehna Ji

Judaai Nahi Sehna Ji

He's getting a bit bolder now after realizing how much she means to him. He is saying that now he is going to be stubborn and won't be without her. 

Ke Hanste Hanste

Main Gham Tera Ro Loon

These 2 lines are again very magical. Don't think you can find a parallel to any song here as he says,

that he would with a smile (laugh to be more precise), he would cry her tears and sadness. Can you imagine like 8 words conveying the intensity of love better than this - that he would be take on her sadness and would be happy to do so!

I am going to skip the repetitive sections here, but they add so much to the song. Be sure to listen to them and see how well they fit in with the flow of the song.

Agar Tu Na Mile Mujhe

Main Lamhe Rok Loon Yahin

Jahan Se Hum Shuru Hue

Main Dohraun Woh Pal Sabhi

These 4 lines go so well together that I did not have the heart to separate them. 

If I don't manage to have you,

I will stop the moments right here.

Where we started from,

I am going to repeat all those moments

Again, such a novel way of conveying the fact that he doesn't want to live without her. That he would basically put a break to his life if he doesn't achiever her and restart living the moments they have lived since they got together. Uff!

Before you think that his love is too intense and he might be smothering her with it, comes the gentle reminder to her and more so to himself that his love is not conditional, it is just there, without expectation, without reciprocation even! 

Tujhe Main Chahun Iss kadar

Na Chahe Tu Mujhe Agar

Main Tujhse Mohabbat

Karta Rahunga

I will love you to such an extent,

that even if you don't love me,

I will keep loving you

I feel like this song is going along the lines of the 7 stages of ishq - one level higher than the other wherein ultimately the lover does not need the loved to be present. Slowly but surely, you can see that his love continues to ascend more and more to the extent that he is not even worried about whether she loves him or not. He is not going to stop loving her no matter what she feels.  I think this is the purest form of love, where you continue to love someone even though they might have moved on or for some reason are not part of your life anymore. After all, as Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 says -

  “Love is not love

   Which alters when it alteration finds,
   Or bends with the remover to remove:
   O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
   That looks on tempests and is never shaken.”

Watch as the protagonist takes this one step further saying - 

Yeh Khaalipan Manzoor Hai

Ismein Nahi Tu Door Hai

Jahaan Tak Dekhun

Tu Hi Dikhega

This emptiness is acceptable to me,

In this you are not far from me,

To the extent I see,

I only see you

This again I feel is another higher stage of love where he says that he is fine with the loneliness or the emptiness that comes from loving her because the emptiness is due to her. In that emptiness too wherever he looks, he finds her since she is the cause of it. Basically saying that an emptiness caused by her is more dear to him than any fullness he might find in the world that is not related to her. 

Ishq Tera Pehna Ji

Sach Toh Yahi Haina Ji

Ke Behte Behte

Main Raah Bana Loon

I have worn your love,

and it is indeed the truth,

that as I keep flowing,

I will make my way

There was once a time in my life when someone told me when I mentioned that a certain thing would have been impossible to accomplish, that they had a way of slowly chipping away and achieving the impossible with perseverance, persistence and stubbornness. That no matter how long it takes, if it is important to them, given a chance they would realize the goal. That confidence in one's own ability to achieving dreams seems believable just like how one also wants to believe in the hero here as he says that wearing her love, he is confident that he will find a way to get to her as he keeps making ways towards her by flowing along!

The confidence seems to grow as he tells her 

Main Aadha Jee Raha Yahin

Adhoori Tu Bhi Toh Yahin

Kinaare Woh Jo Na Mile

Unhein Milna Toh Hai Kahin

I am living half (incomplete) here,

you are also incomplete here,

The shores that do not meet,

have to meet somewhere

This is how the song ends with him telling her that he feels half himself and the other half happens to be her is there too with him. He goes on to say that the shores that might seem like won't meet ever have to converge somewhere. This ending shifts the tone from despair to faith, a quiet conviction that love will find its way, even if the present feels impossible. It’s not just romantic; it’s existential, suggesting that their union is inevitable in the grand scheme of life.

As you can see, the song comes a full circle and closes the arc in the end, just like the shores of river closing the gap beyond the visible horizon. 

*****

PS: I was in a conversation where it was discussed that the era of longing and yearning seem to be over because we are in the age of instant gratification where once you start missing someone you can pick the phone and call them. I would say that rings true when the situation is right but in circumstances like these where for some reason, you can't really pick up the phone and call, the yearning and longing still exists and how better can it be conveyed than through each word in this song.

What I like most about this song is that it brings together so many hues of life - hopelessness, yearning, helplessness, resignation, inevitability, hope, confidence, faith, tears and most of all the fact that soulmates will find their way towards each other in the most impossible of circumstances.

Saiyaara - A kind of review

I was struck by a comment my daughter made after watching the super-successful Bollywood movie 'Saiyaara' for a second time yesterday (yes, she loved it so much she had to watch it again, and I was the casualty!). For those who do not watch Bollywood movies, the synopsis of this movie is that it tells the story of a young couple who both have painful pasts and help each other through them. They are pleased with their present, but the future has other plans that test their commitment to each other. Through the usual song and dance (which I find very romantic) and drama (which I find very unnecessary), the story progresses with the underlying theme that no matter how successful you are, how many goals you reach, how many dreams you achieve, if you are unable to have the person you love next you, then you keep finding ways to run back to them. Even if going back to them means that you are going against your success that you claimed after a long struggle. Even that becomes meaningless in the absence of this special person. So, what if the whole world knows me, if she is forgetting who I am! The hero Krish Kapoor laments, and that is the entire premise of the story. Interestingly, the same movie argues against the concept of sacrificing your dreams for a person who has no trouble breaking your heart and going to great lengths to pursue their own goals, while you are left struggling to breathe. The first decision proves highly challenging to our pretty young heroine as she loses all her sense of purpose and direction. Yeah, she forgets to even smile! She, however, fights against it, taking baby steps when she is presented with a man who becomes her support system. She in turn becomes his support system. Then follows the unnecessary drama that pulls them apart and tests the hero’s dedication to a woman who not only accepted his flaws but helped him overcome them. Does he go back to her or go to the world that worships him after he overcame his flaws? Ahaan Panday’s portrayal of Krish Kapoor, who achieves dizzying heights but cannot quite enjoy his success because his woman is suffering, takes this movie to another level. He brings that element of believability to the role that seems to be the reason for tears flowing freely with Gen-Z. That a man could love a woman like that, that a man could think that suffering with the woman he loves gives him more happiness than crooning to the biggest fan gathering at a concert. I believe this good old-fashioned love had lost its way in Bollywood, with even Shah Rukh Khan trying to outwit his lady love in action-packed drivel. It’s beautiful to watch Krish Kapoor cry effortlessly, never question his heroine’s commitment, and basically do everything in his power to find and keep his woman. He takes her weaknesses in stride, never stops dreaming of a life with her, and continues to work towards their relationship even in the worst of circumstances. Even when she takes a knife to him! Of course, reality sometimes takes a nosedive in these romances, but it is still heartwarming to watch. This movie gives back the hero in Bollywood, the freedom to love his woman completely, be supportive of her, and hold her hand through the worst of circumstances. In recent times, I have found that this is lacking, and it’s almost as if the hero is considered more macho if he disrespects, tricks, or even hits the woman he loves. That sets a dangerous precedent. Even those films lack a lesson in depicting reality. I would much rather watch a movie that paints an almost perfect picture of selfless love. If nothing else, I hope this generation can see how beautiful it is when a man truly loves a woman. How wonderful it is when a man gives back to the woman the same kind of support and commitment that she had extended to him. It also teaches the girls that this is the kind of man they should aspire to have in their lives. That nothing is more beautiful, not his muscles, nor his money, nor his arrogance, than a ride on the motorcycle with him as he zooms on it, making sure you are well protected and near him. Yes, romance has been glorified in this movie. However, I’d much rather this be glorified than mindless violence and misogynistic love stories. Hopefully, the days of musical love stories where the woman is shown in a positive light and the man loves her wholly are back in Bollywood. It’s great to feel the same kind of feelings one felt while watching a Qayamat se Qayamat Tak, an Aashiqui, a Maine Pyar Kiya, or a Dil To Pagal hain! Some of the things I loved about the movie The heroine’s mom comes at Krish with a tirade, demanding that he either leave her or marry her. It was pretty comical to watch her give him an ultimatum on the first day she saw her daughter, Vaani, with him. But what does Krish do? He goes to Vaani and says that we should get married. Sweet! The music is so great! Grows on you, and finally we get to hear romantic songs that are not Arijit’s. No offense to him, he is the best when it comes to crooning to their tunes, but new talent is always good to hear. The ‘Mere paas aur kuch pal baaqi hain’ (I have a few more moments left) scene was endearing. Wish they had used it a little less, though. The tattoos that Krish Kapoor sports, especially the arm band one, were simply stunning. More than him, I watched the tattoo; it was so attractively placed and highlighted through his guitar-playing skills! They used these subtle things to highlight the hero’s desirability rather than have some half-witted woman running after him or have the heroine keep saying - tum kya cheez ho yaar! (Karah Johar, please don’t do that, Ranveer Singh doesn’t need that to show that he is hot!). Of course, the best scene was when he sees her on the big screen and runs towards it, collapsing. Don’t think there was a dry eye for that one. Loved the way he kept on repeating things to make her remember. He keeps getting tired but does not let up until she does. Not practical, but still a joy to watch his persistence. The wedding scene at the end added significantly to the movie. I don’t think I could have handled another sad ending after Aashiqui 2’s ending, thirteen years ago. Some of the things I did not love so much about the movie Why oh why, did they have to bring her ex in and make such a mess? It was so bad, I take like 3 points away from the movie for this unbelievably insipid track. The movie went from being very good to decent with that track. Ugh! Krish treats his friends so horribly. Being an angel towards the love of your life does not mean that you behave like shit with your friends. He could be nicer to them, considering they were responsible for his ultimate success. To be fair, he is shown like that even before he meets her. So, it was a character flaw, but it was not easy to stomach. Especially the scene where he is locked in the bathroom doing acrobatics with a woman while his friend, whom he just dissed, is worried about him. Easily the lousiest scene in the movie. The whole track with Krish’s dad was incredibly lacking, too. I wish they had explored it more, considering his whole angst and trauma are because of his dad’s alcoholism. Vaani is such a pretty face, but I wish they hadn't made her act with the innocence and naivety of an 8-year-old. She did a good job, but sometimes her saccharine sweetness, even while stabbing the hero, was a bit much! All in all, a good watch if you are into romantic musicals (who isn’t?)! My daughter’s comment, you ask? How much personality adds to a person's appearance, and ultimately, what matters most is love. I think it was a win for Mohit Suri, the director of the film, if Gen-Z can come away feeling that way from the movie.

 

Smoking Smoky Mountains

 I visited the Smoky Mountains this past weekend. This is my 4th visit to these spectacular  mountains in Tennessee. The Smoky Mountains hold a special place in my heart, and I wanted to reflect on the four trips I have made to this place. 

Visit #1: This visit took place during my tenure as a graduate student at Cleveland State University. My best friend, Shirin, and I lived in Cleveland, Ohio, while four of our other friends attended the University of Memphis in Tennessee. We decided to meet up, and the Smoky Mountains seemed like the perfect place. The plan was for Shirin and me to fly into the Knoxville, TN, airport and then get picked up by the Memphis natives and drive to the Smokies. The plan worked to a T, except that two of our friends were unable to join us due to some issue. So it was just the 4 of us - me and 3 of my very best friends from college. I remember we had a pizza dinner after we were picked up and then went to watch "Jerry McGuire". At that time, I wasn't into Hollywood movies because I thought they were all thrillers, murder mysteries, or mafia-based, or a combination of these. I didn't realize that Hollywood could also produce romantic comedies...Jerry McGuire changed that for me. What a hauntingly beautiful romance. Two of the dialogues went on to become iconic: "Show me the money!" and "You had me at hello!" From there, we drove to our cabin, crooning to the music from 'Dillagi' and 'Judwaa'. 

    "Aankh lada ke tune maara, paagal ho gaya dil bechaara...
     Suna hain tere chaahne waale, aage dus hain peeche gyarah..
     Tan tana tan tan tan taara, chalti hain kya nau se baarah!

And let's not forget:

    "Oonchi hain building, lift teri band hain,
     Kaise main aaoon, dil raza mand hain!"

Wah Annu Malik, kya baat hain! Mindless lyrics set to pulsating music - what better fun!

The cabin we were headed to, amidst all this chaos, was nestled in a lush green valley overlooking a creek. To this day, I have been looking for that cabin without much luck. It was easily one of the most beautiful locations I had stayed at in the Smokies. 

Visit #2: This was a family visit. We had initially planned to go during the summer months, but we had to cancel. We did get a refund; however, the catch was that we had to book the cabin by the end of the year, and of course, we waited until the last minute, right in the middle of winter. However, the weather was not that bad. The kids were very young, and hence most of our time was spent on activities that would interest them - the alpine roller coaster, which was quite fun as we were pulled to the top of the mountain in the car. We were allowed to roll down at our own pace. I did it with my youngest, and it was quite a blast. I generally don't like roller coasters, but coming down the mountain was quite enjoyable. We did the Dolly Land park. The best part of the visit was the walk through the charming town of Gatlinburg with its excellent mom-and-pop shops. We had our family's last name carved into a block of wood that now hangs on our front door. One of the highlights of Visit 1 was a home-made ice cream shop. We hunted for it and it did not disappoint. Each of us had two servings of the incredibly delicious butter pecan - yum!

Visit #3: This was another friend's visit, accompanied by three of my girlfriends. This was the visit where we accomplished many things that are must-do experiences when visiting the Smokies. It was almost 6 years ago, so I don't remember all the details. We did the trip around my birthday in November, and my friends threw a surprise celebration! It was one of my best birthday celebrations, spent in the picturesque mountains at a remote cabin surrounded by my dear friends, who made the day incredibly special for me. One of the things I discovered while driving in the mountains for the first time was that the narrow roads have steep drops and deep ravines running alongside them. Right at the beginning of the drive, I didn't realize this and drove the car into one of the ravines, where the front passenger's side tire got stuck. Luckily, a trooper was around, and we were pulled out pretty quickly. I was so careful driving after that, but I have to hand it to them, driving in the Smoky Mountains is perilous, especially in the dark. We tried to avoid it as much as possible, but the days are so short in November that before you know it, the darkness descends upon you. One time, we got hopelessly lost, with no signal - the closest I came to panicking. But with 4 heads on shoulders, we decided to drive to a clear area where we had a strong signal, and it was smooth sailing from then on. The best part of the trip occurred on a day when an interesting phenomenon took place. It had rained the day before, and in the night, the temperatures plummeted, and the moisture on the trees froze into ice crystals. It was such a hauntingly beautiful sight. The red, orange, and yellows of fall with the white of the winter topping them. I can never forget the beauty of that ride and feel blessed that we were subject to such ethereal loveliness! 

Visit #4: My latest trip to the Smokies occurred last week, when I took my brother, visiting from India, on a road trip to the Smokies. My sons came along too. Visit #2 happened almost a decade ago, and my youngest does not even remember some of the details. Now my eldest is old enough to drive and ably supported me in the almost 10-hour drive from Chicago to the Smokies. As soon as he took up the wheel about halfway into the journey, we were greeted by the heaviest rains. I was so proud to see him navigate this with ease. Yes, proud mama here :-)

To say that the Smokies were a sight to behold would be an understatement. I may have missed the prime fall sights by a week, but it turned out that most of the foliage was intact. We wanted to arrive at the cabin before darkness, but with Sunset happening around 5:30 pm, that was almost impossible. The last hour I drove in absolute darkness, but the past 3 visits had equipped me with the skills to navigate the treacherous roads. I am glad to report that no wheels were running into deep ditches this time. I kept a mile away from them at least! We reached Friday night and had the whole of Saturday to explore. We did the ATV ride, which was a blast, and it was a cool experience to drive head-on into the ditches and come out unscathed. The roads through the mountains were mindblowing, and there were a couple of times where maneuvering the turns and the twists cut out right next to the deep gorges, which managed to elicit a scream or two from yours truly! My aim when I go on a vacation like this is to do one thing that is adventurous and once-in-a-lifetime. The ATV ride would fit very well into that category.  

We drove through the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, admiring the colors and the stream riding alongside us. We did a 1.5 mile hike up the Chestnut Top Mountain Trail which took us to an elevation of around 500 ft. It was such a great expeirence doing this hike. The trail is pretty steep and as we walked up I could hear the sounds of the stream and the cars driving past. However, as we got higher and higher, the sounds faded into nothingness leaving just the sounds of the rustling leaves beneath our feet. When we stopped, it was absolute stillness. You gotta experience that much noiselessness amidst all that beauty to understand just how nature can make the biggest splash in complete silence. And yes we did the Alpine coaster yet again! 

Visit #5: I think this should be a solo trip with I, Me ANd myself where I could take in the absolutely breathtaking beauty of the valleys along with the ruggedly handsome mountains! 

dekhi zamaane ki yaari - A tribute to Guru Dutt (and Mohammed Rafi)

 So lamented Mohammed Rafi, arguably the best playback singer India has ever produced (I know, I know, I am going to make some enemies with this statement). Well, for all those who are looking for a rock to hurl at my head which cradles this thought, let me ask you to pause for a second and listen to the song I quoted from. Minimal music, as Rafi pours his soul into singing about a time in a man’s life where everything he held dear is lost. Even if you were not to understand the powerful lyrics, I bet that you would be moved by the despondency in Rafi’s voice. If you are lucky enough to watch the video with it, it will be the cherry on the top as we see an aged Guru Dutt (another genius) stumble around in a studio where he was a revered filmmaker not too long ago. People running behind him to get a glimpse of him, begging for his autograph as he looks at the crowd of people milling around him with pride. However, there is one aspect missing from his persona - I didn’t see joy. Not then when he’s smoking a pipe in style as people clap for him and not when he’s literally tottering off the edge of a catwalk. What’s scary about this is the fact that this was considered Guru Dutt’s biopic. A very successful filmmaker whose personal life is in shambles. A single dad who falls in love with his beautiful heroine and plans to marry her. His daughter sabotages the relationship and from that time his downfall starts, the girl merrily goes her away in a few years and his heroine goes on to become a big star. He, on the other hand, never recovers from the heartbreak, makes some insipid movies and soon everyone (except his heroine) forgets him. His failure gets to him, and he quietly disappears and only surfaces years later, ill and takes a final walk around his famous studio which is about to be dismantled.

Guru Dutt was super successful; he was a much-married man who fell in love with his extremely beautiful heroine Waheeda Rahman who never really accepted him because of his marital status. He went on to commit suicide when he was only 39, by which time he had directed 8 films that are considered masterpieces in their own way. This song is from his film ‘Kagaz ke Phool’ (Paper flowers) which was considered a commercial failure but has somewhat of a cult status especially after his tragic death. Another film of his 'Pyaasa’ (The thirsty Man), about the struggle of a poet features in Time magazine’s 100 Greatest Movies of all time.

While not a big fan of Guru Dutt’s melancholic movies, I do adore the music in his films.

Jaane woh kaise log thay jinke pyaar ko pyaar mila,
hum ne tho jab kaliyaan maangi kaanton ke haar mile!

(Don’t quite know what kind of people receive back love for their love,
when I asked for buds, all I got were garlands of thorns) - Pyaasa

Na jaaon saiyyan, chudaake baiyyan
Qasam tumhari main ro padoongi…

(Don’t go my love, snatching your hand away
I promise you, I will burst into tears) - Saaheb, bibi aur Ghulam

This was another cult classic that rose in stature more so because of Meena Kumari’s ache that managed to scar and hurt everyone that ever watched the movie. It still hurts me. She was titled ‘Tragedy Queen’ and I am not sure, but I do think it must have been after her performance in this movie.

Chaudvin ka chaand ho, ya aftaab ho,
Jo bhi ho tum khuda ki qasam laajawaab ho!

(Are you the moon on the 14th night, or the sun
whatever you are, by God! there is no answer to you!) - Chaudvi ka Chaand

So sang Mohammed Rafi again, as Guru Dutt admired his bride Waheeda Rahman in the movie as she sleeps in the early morning of their wedding night looking like an angel. This line is used even now to tell someone that they are stunningly beautiful. Became an iconic romantic song. The contrast in the first song and the last song is stark, but Rafi carries both of them with such ease and elan, that for those of you who stayed to this point even after my controversial statement, I thank you that I could make my second argument!

However, the glory of all this belongs to Guru Dutt, a master filmmaker - a man ravaged by his own demons that he could not quite get away from but to whom the Hindi Film Industry owes a debt of gratitude for bringing us great stories, pathos, music, stunning visuals and of course some of the greatest women in Hindi Cinema - Geeta Dutt, Waheeda Rahman and Meena Kumari and the best playback singer in the world of course!!!

I shall end with tribute to his cinematography where the light from a spotlight, a couple of chairs in the studio are used to generate what must be the most hauntingly beautiful song on yearning in the history of Hindi cinema or World Cinema I would say continuing with the trend of Word's best controversial statements stance I have adopted today (Why should only the United State of America do it, I shall too!)

Waqt ne kiya kya haseen sitam,
hum rahen na hum, tum rahen na tum!
(Time has bestowed on us a beautiful cruelty,
I am not myself; you are not yourself)

Picturized on the too beautiful for words, his lady love Waheeda and him in the same sort of autobiographical culture he used to follow in his films. Telling a tale of separation and longing that seemed to have become a part of his life. Ironically, this song was sung every so beautifully by his wife Geeta Dutt! How is that for some pathos, ethos and everything melancholy bundled into one song.

Everything in Guru Dutt's films is for eternity. Has not lost its charm even know and I don't think ever will. That is the hallmark of a great artist - timelessness...

Sukhee - kachay, bachay and a whiff of fresh air (just a whiff!)...

 

As I watched ‘Sukhee,’ certain scenes and dialogues from the movie seemed to mirror episodes from my own life. I believe many middle-aged women have experienced a similar resonance with the film at some point. This is the movie's strength, providing a female-centric slice of life amidst the inundation of films like Pathan, Jawan, and Tiger of the opposite gender. It was a reminder of why I remain a Bollywood enthusiast. While the industry often churns out less-than-appetizing content, it occasionally offers delightful experiences that keep drawing you back, hopeful for more satisfying cinematic treats. The era when a stellar cast guaranteed a great movie seems long gone. These days, the prominence of a star often correlates with enduring mediocre content because the storyline and logic take a backseat to the superstardom of the hero. All other characters in the movie are reduced to caricatures. You have my commiserations if you find yourself unfortunate enough to be caught in the headlights of a superstar's film like a deer (like I did with Pathan!). 

The stark contrast in the treatment of male and female actors in the Hindi film industry becomes evident when comparing the career trajectories of Shilpa Shetty, the heroine in Sukhee, and Shah Rukh Khan, the hero of our times! Their journeys began almost simultaneously in Baazigar, where SRK's character unexpectedly kills Shilpa as a form of vengeance for his family's death. The song "Kitabein bahut tho padhi hongi tumne, magar koi chehra bhi tumne pada hain" became a massive hit as Shilpa, with her statuesque height and lovely looks, made a sensational debut in 1993. For SRK, this film marked the commencement of his ascent to superstardom. While SRK continued to deliver one success after another, Shilpa's career trajectory did not experience the same rise. Her claim to fame came through winning Big Brother, a UK-based reality TV show in 2007, which did more for her than any Bollywood movie. Subsequently, she married a super-rich British-Indian businessman named Raj Kundra.

While SRK continues to dance alongside women significantly younger than him in movies with budgets reaching hundreds of crores, Shilpa finds herself confined to roles more suited to her age or serving as a host on TV shows. It's worth noting that SRK is nearly a decade older than Shilpa, yet the characters he portrays seem immune to the aging process, freezing at around 35. Despite Shilpa's undeniably stunning and gorgeous appearance, she is notably absent from the film scene, while SRK remains one of the most sought-after actors. While SRK deserves respect for his enduring popularity, the undeniable truth is that male privilege in Bollywood persists regardless of age, beauty, or talent. Both young and old actresses aspire to work with him, considering it an honor to be chosen for a role in his movies. Presently, it's not just one leading lady but 3-4, spanning various ages starting from around 18, needed to fulfill the role of a heroine in SRK's films. I observed a similar dynamic with the previous superstar, Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. Despite societal changes, the people of Bollywood and the entire country remain entangled in the web of misogyny.

Now that I have gotten that rant out of the picture, let me focus on the thrill of watching a good movie with a decent storyline that tugs at your heartstrings. The movie commences with a glimpse into the high school days of our heroine, showcasing her as an athlete, a horse rider, and an all-rounder who has no hesitation in getting into brawls with men twice her size. This refreshing introduction contrasts with movies (and TV dramas) that, more often than not, present heroines as unrealistically flawless Ms. Goody-two-shoes. The scene transitions nostalgically into Shilpa's current life, where she finds herself doing everything she and her friends vowed not to do—washing undergarments, tending to children, and getting married - from an amazing past to a dreary now.

After posting the video on Social Media, Sukhee retrieves laundry, including her husband's underwear, while her daughter awaits breakfast. "No Bachay, kachay, and Shaadi," (no kids, underwear, or marriage) her friends and she had promised to each other earlier in their lives. The wistful smile on Shilpa's face conveys the helplessness experienced by domesticated women almost daily as they shift from being princesses in their parents' homes and queens in their college life to the roles of rinse and repeat homemakers. I felt the same emotion that Sukhee does - a sense of resignation at life's path, crushing one dream after another in the guise of household responsibilities, marriage, and children. Yet, Shilpa carries on with a smile, caring for an ailing grandfather-in-law who is also her comrade in arms and seems to be the only one who appreciates all she does. The thing I like about Shilpa's character is that she tries to make the most of the life she chooses but knows very well that this is not the life she envisioned a woman like her living. She won't admit it to anyone, at least to herself, and tries to portray a happy life. But she knows what is missing but can't do anything about it. So she does what she does best - looking after kachay, bachay and husband! I won't delve into the storyline but will instead express my admiration for why this movie stands out from the rest and what could have been done differently to have made an even more forceful statement than it does.

A close friend of mine once jokingly quipped that SRK was the cause of all her marital troubles because he had painted an overly idealistic picture of love and marriage through his movies. While I don't attribute all my challenges to SRK's romantic portrayals, I agree that romantic Bollywood movies undeniably set a risky precedent for young girls. It portrays charming and seemingly perfect lover boys who would go to any lengths to set things right for their damsel in distress. SRK stands out by going above and beyond, even to the extent of assisting the family members of his beloved for her wedding to earn their trust.

Romantic love is depicted as the ultimate destination for young men and women. Despite my present understanding, I admit that during my teenage years, I was swayed and led to believe that true happiness rested in the arms of a man who adored and worshipped me. It took years to dismantle that image of a flawless lover—such a person simply does not exist. It was disconcerting that Bollywood seemed to guide viewers and couples to the altar but left us wondering what happens afterward.

Sukhee accomplishes precisely that—it unveils the reality of life beyond the fairy tale romance and elopement process. It shows you what happens after you cross the altar and start living together as husband and wife. I am genuinely pleased that the challenges a woman faces after marrying her knight in shining armor, particularly after defying societal norms, have been portrayed authentically. The film realistically captures how Shilpa must make numerous sacrifices to maintain the facade of a perfect life with a loving husband, especially for herself, given her choices. As the promise she held as a teenager gradually fades away, replaced by the reality of supporting the man she fell in love with instead of pursuing her dreams of owning a stud farm, you can't help but feel pity for the woman she becomes. From taming horses, she coyly allows herself to be tamed in the name of love. 

I hope young girls take this movie seriously—that life is more than just spending the rest of your days with the man you love; it encompasses so much more. I've heard countless dialogues in films where the woman fervently prays, "Please God! Just give him to me, and I don't want anything else. I will die without him!" It all seems idyllic until you realize the rest of your life is extensive. The man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with is not just that but a package deal that includes his weaknesses, family, education, career, friends, and other aspects. Regardless of the depth of love, marriage can take its toll on even the most enchanting love stories. The best approach to marriage, as articulated by Kahlil Gibran, is to - 

      Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

     Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

     Fill each other’s cups, but drink not from one cup.

     Give one another your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

     Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

     Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

 

     Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

     For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

     And stand together yet not too near together:

     For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

     And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

What resonates with me in this observation is the importance of maintaining individuality and not being overtly dependent on a spouse. It's crucial to forge one's own path and support each other's growth from a distance. For an Indian woman, breaking free from the ingrained belief that her life revolves around her husband, home, and hearth can be challenging. Yet, it is essential to foster change. Whether through writing, cinema, TV, or discussions, we must dispel the romanticized ideals of marriage, acknowledging its significance without sacrificing our identity. Young girls should be shown a real picture of what they getting into and that being swept off your feet might sometimes make you fall down with a thud!

Sukhee attempts to achieve this, but only to a limited extent. It stumbles significantly in the second half, leaving me perplexed why another male character needs to be introduced into the woman's life as she navigates the world without her husband. The narrative progressed well until her attractive old friend, who harbored a lifelong crush on her, was thrown into the mix. I fail to understand why filmmakers need to establish Sukhee's desirability by introducing another man who shows interest in her. Can't she recognize her attractiveness through her personality alone? Why does she need validation from another man on how desirable she is even after years of marriage and kids? Why do they insist on conveying that, since this remarkable man is pursuing her, she remains a sought-after prize? I hope, for once, Indian cinema portrays that a woman doesn't require a male presence to determine her worth. To date, I haven't come across a movie or show that does this. Almost invariably, an eligible bachelor is waiting in the wings to validate the greatness of our leading lady. Give me a break! I don't need any man to demonstrate a woman's worth—her intrinsic value shines on its own. I don't need any man to affirm that!

I also am not on board with the ending. I had hoped for a different outcome—that she would forge ahead without looking back. However, everything must neatly fall into place in the climax, right? The man must repent, make new promises, and again, our middle-aged heroine reverts to the same teenager she was decades ago. Therefore, in the end, Shilpa is portrayed as a superwoman, much like her male counterparts, who can single-handedly defeat an entire army while recovering from a certain death. It takes superpowers on a woman's part to swiftly change a man's point of view and prompt him to apologize to the entire world while admitting his mistake. This simply doesn't occur in the real world, and even if it does, it does to a small extent, it takes years. The rapid transformation of her husband is not very convincing, and the conclusion would have been more dramatic and progressive if Shilpa had chosen not to return. Her driving the motorcycle into a sunrise would have been a powerful and inspiring sight rather than her ride to Anandkot from Delhi! 

Bollywood still seems to be fumbling in the darkness to make movies that address women's issues effectively and in a manner that is not regressive but it's heartening to see at least an effort is being made, and for that, I am grateful to the creators of Sukhee. Thank you, kind sirs and ladies – after a long time, I could enjoy a Hindi film with a smile on my lips and an ache in my heart!

What is your favorite season?

This seems to be a standard question for everyone. The change of seasons took a special meaning for me, once I moved to North Central United States. In India there seemed to be like 2 seasons - the rains and the summer. Yes, there might have been a brief 2 weeks of winter, but mostly I never noticed much the change in seasons, except perhaps the rainy season which would be a welcome relief when it began but would soon morph into something of a nuisance when it got out of hand. 

But moving to the United States changed all that for me. Especially when I started to live in Chicago, I was subjected to the most intense change of seasons. There was a song from a movie, I cannot quite remember the title of that went something like - "Pathjhad, saawan, basant, bahaar, ek baras me mausam chaar, mausam chaar" (There are 4 seasons in a year - Fall, Rains, Spring, Summer - though basant and bahaar mean spring, I am sure that is what the poet meant). I got to experience this full throttle here but instead of the "paanchwa mausam pyaar ka, intezaar ka" (fifth season is of love and waiting), the fifth and the most dominant season here happens to be winter which is just starting out here and is expected to last for the next 6 months at the least before we spring into bahaar!

So having experienced these seasons for more than 2 decades now, I was thinking to myself which season do I like the most? Which season would I most associate myself and look forward to? I pondered as I started out of the window because sometimes in Chicago it feels like you are subjected to all the seasons in a matter of days. Starts off being warm and sunny like summer, then goes on to become a little chilly like Spring, followed by even more cold with leaves blowing around like Fall and then of course the layer of snow on the ground and before you know it, the rain starts like today. As you can see, I was not exaggerating. In fact, there is a joke that goes around here that says in Chicago you could experience all the seasons in a day. While I do agree with that to an extent (at least 50% of the seasons in a day), I will let that pass.

In a nutshell, I meant that I have experienced almost all fo these seasons in the past few days.  The view from. my window is quite something. There is a brook in front surrounded by trees, some ever greens (that give the feeling of spring) and other bare ones (from the fall). The best part is that I can see the sunset from this window. The sunset also changes according to the seasons.

During the summer season (4 days ago), I was greeted in the morning by a bright sun that streamed sunlight into my cozy home warming everything it fell on and especially my heart. The sun reflected off the waves in the placid lake whose tiny waves shimmered and danced like silver beads. The ebb and flow of the water, bringing together the sun's rays like glass and then shattering it into a million little pieces of light. The play of sun in the water, I watched all day long as the trees basked in the glorious morning followed by a warm afternoon and finally the time I wait holding my breath for- the sunset. The sky took on different colors of a painters palette, as everything condensed into a stillness of space and time that enveloped my being. The calm and peace I feel when I watch the sun and its surrounding which encompasses the while sky, change colors as it goes from a brightly shining star to a ball of fire is simply mesmerizing. The orange hues around it make the blue sky appear purple, red, orange, yellow and all the shades in between. All I can do is stare out of the window and thank Allah SWT for blessing me with such a perfect moment as I watch the sun descend into the waters and disappear with the last ray, another day of life just having passed without me being hungry, homeless or uneducated. Everything and more to be grateful for! Surely, summer is my most favorite season?

Through the night, I felt the winds picking up speed a little and the temperature coming down. I could feel the spring in the air as I get up next morning to be greeted by the same bright sun tempered down by the coolness in the wind. "Jaise Sardi ki dhoop" (Like Winter's Sun) sang Anil Kapoor, 25 years ago to Manisha Koirala! One could be deceived into thinking that it is yet another summer day only to go out into the balcony and realize that is a day for a sweater! The evergreens reflect the sun in the green of their leaves which seems to be now glistening with a bright hue. Just like the early days of Spring when the trees are bursting forth with sprouts. I could almost feel the tree in front ready to do just that as I watch the nodes with their last bit of green remaining. Spring promises to be an awesome season and just this slight peek is giving me the hope for the future. That one day I will see this Tree Blossom, that one day I might not be able to have that clear a view of the sunset because it would be blocked by the leaves on the trees. But for now I enjoy the sunset as I get a clear view between the bare branches of the tree. The temperature getting distinctly colder as it wins over the day and the sun sets deciding to fight the battle another day as it finds the earth going farther and farther away from it. The onset of winter seems ominous! Spring seems like the obvious favorite, right?

The wind picks up speed during the night and I could feel it whooshing away, trying to make its way into my home with continuous run-ins at the glass doors and windows. The skies are a little grey in the morning with the winds carrying them around fast and everything is blowing outside. The trees are swaying, like a vigorous dance to shake away all the remnants of a past life. The birds are trying to hold on to dear life as they pick the last berries from the trees. The water seems to be going with the flow of the wind as the waves get bigger and faster. The majestic sun tries to make an appearance but is kept in check by the darkening clouds. He does manage to peek here and there and I catch glimpses of bright sunlight streaming, making everything in my home also golden. I can't wait for the sunset and it does come once again glorious in its colors and breathtaking in its appearance. Even the wind pauses its march to take a breath as I take in the marvelous scene before me. There are more colors than my eye can distinguish. Every hue of every color possible. Surely, such perfection can be achieved by Mother Nature only. I watch as a perfect fall day ends and everything around me stands bare with the last vestiges of pride taken away - but there is a humility in that arrogance. Like they are resigned to fate and accept it graciously. That they will wait out the season patiently to come back stronger and with more power just like the wind does once it realizes that the day is complete! Or is it Fall?

The temperature drops significantly that night and the next day I am greeted with a dusting of snow on the ground, trees, the grass and the cars. A fine layer of white powder it looks like that makes everything look unadulterated and pure. The skies are bright as the sun starts its ascent. I could feel the snow starting to disperse with the rays of sunlight. They hold on for a while though. The tree branches are layered with the snow like a white outline on the dark branches. Its a slight to behold, like someone took a pencil and sketched in white over them. A bird has walked on the snow on the balcony and its dainty foot steps gladden my soul. I see the geese flying low as they wail a little because they have not been able to migrate and they know that their life is going to be tough in the months to follow. But they are brave souls who don't seem to mind that much and are intent on enjoying what remains of the warmth as they swim clearing the dusting of white snow on the waves. How easily they navigate the coldness of the water, the chill of the air - their home is the outside and they don't mind. They are together as a family encouraging each other and staying together as they navigate the vicissitudes of life ahead. It would be a joy to watch them as they overcome the challenge together, staying in the warmth of my home looking out of the window! By the time the sunset approaches, all the snow has been wiped off the face of the earth. All that remains is that slight chill in the air and of course the spectacular colors in the sky. I see everyone around resigning to fate and trying to get cozy and warm. Could it be winter?

Next morning, I get up to grey skies. There is no chance for the sun to even give a slight peak. The only evidence one gets of its presence is the light and a few bright spots on where it could be positioned behind the clouds. As the day passes, even that evidence is lost and if it were not for the clock, one would think the sunset was right around the corner. The rain comes down from time and time and then stops for a while. It has a mind of its own. The pitter patter of the rain drops gives me a sense of peace. I love the sound of water and the sound or rain is especially pleasing. Small droplets form on the window panes and makes zig zag lines as they find their way to the earth. The trees are dripping wet and seem to be trying their best to get rid of the water on their branches. Life sustaining water becomes too much to handle - just like everything else in life. Even too much of a good thing can lead to disaster. I find the falling of the raindrops on the lake comforting,  like the closing of a circle. Water coming back to where it originated from. Joining a waterbody and becoming a part of it. Loosing its individuality but not its character. Adding itself to a vastness that encompasses the whole universe. One day for us to be the same, being returned to our place in the cosmos. Becoming one with the world around us. There is no sunset to watch today, the skies just keep getting darker and darker. There is a brief display of very subdued colors before everything merges into one color - the trees, the skies, the lake and everything in between. From a burst of different colors to all coming together as if they are all connected together - the living and the non-living, adding me to the mix. Surely, its the rainy season that beats all?

I feel like every season is my favorite season. The good, the bad and the ugly. Just the fact that I am alive, and well to experience them from the porch of my home makes every season a favorite season and every day the best day of my life till that point in time  because I am alive to capture the beauty of it. I am the season. I become one with each changing season. I change, my perception changes. I continue to be awed by Allah's creations - the subtle changes, the mighty difference - but still everything falling into an easy pattern - a rhythm, a frequency that I try hard to vibrate with. I cannot get myself to choose one over the other. Everything is just so perfect, Alhumdulillah.